5 Ways you could be violating the Girl Code

Jul 6, 2010 at 4:58 a.m. ET

Any girl will tell you that a good friend is worth holding onto, especially considering how fickle and emotional we women can be sometimes. Once you've established a friendship, the all important Girl Code helps us maintain this sometimes delicate relationship.

Jealousy can violate the Girl Code

The Girl Code

Given its unspoken nature, keeping track of all the Code's rules can be tough. You could be in violation without even knowing it. Ask yourself the following questions to determine if you are crossing the line.

1Are you trying to figure out a way to date your friend's ex without offending her?

Even though this rule is pretty clear cut (you don't date your friend's ex under any circumstances), sometimes we're motivated to look for a way around it. To put it simply, there is really no valid justification for pursuing a friend's ex, no matter how hard you try to come up with one. Don't try telling yourself that your friend will understand or that she was never really that into him. If you truly value your friendship, place your romantic aspirations elsewhere.

2Are you completely honest when she asks your opinion?

We all depend on our friends to give honest assessments of our beauty and fashion decisions. A friend who will tell you the absolute truth (even if it hurts) is irreplaceable. If your friend is about to strut out the door wearing an unflattering micro-mini, do her a favor and stop her. If you keep your mouth shut for fear of hurting her feelings, you are violating the Girl Code. The ability to be completely honest at all times is the mark of a true friend.

3Have you recently slammed your friend's boyfriend?

Supporting a friend through the trials and tribulations of relationships is unquestionably a girlfriend responsibility. Avoid bashing her beau, though, even when she complains about his bad behavior. Chances are, they will reconcile, and when they do, she will forever remember the negative comments you made. When the inevitable argument occurs, it's best to nod in agreement or provide encouragement rather than tear him apart.

4Are you always complaining about your man or asking for advice without reciprocating?

One-sided friendships are usually short lived. Even though your girlfriend may be the best listener in the world, she will quickly tire of hearing about your problems over and over again, especially if you are not returning the gesture. It's great that you have someone to talk to, but make sure you are doing your share of listening or your sounding board may disappear.

5Are you giving your friend any reason not to trust you?

Unconditional trust is the foundation of any solid relationship. Countless friendships have ended because of a breach (either actual or perceived) of this delicate trust. How you treat your friend when she is not in the same room is just as important as the way you treat her when you're face to face. Many women earn catty reputations by talking behind their friends' backs. Even a tiny slip can give your friend a reason not to trust you, so watch what you say when she's not around. Statements that can be misconstrued by third parties are particularly hazardous to friendships.

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