What is BDSM all about?

C’mon what IS BDSM?

chains.jpgMost of the questions I get asked have to do with BDSM. It’s hard to believe that four little letters can initiate such a big response. However, they do, and the more you know about BDSM the easier it is to understand why. BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. Some might say that the “D” can also stand for dominance and the “s” can also stand for submission, and that’s true. Unfortunately, knowing what the letters translate into doesn’t get you very far in the grand scheme of things. Some people will tell you BDSM stands for kink, others will tell you its perverted, and still others will tell you that it’s a lifestyle. The truth is, what it is depends on the person that is participating in BDSM. To some it is a lifestyle. To others it is something purely sexual. As someone who knows quite a bit about BDSM I like to describe it beyond the basic terms. BDSM is a combination of physical activities that may or may not include pain. Most often people use these activities to gain sexual pleasure though that is not always the case. For this reason, I do not see BDSM as a lifestyle but rather an activity that is used to elicit a response, generally to heighten pleasure through forms of longing and/or pain. BDSM is generally done by one of two groups of people. Kinky people will often participate in various forms of BDSM. People in the D/s lifestyle practice dominance and submission. Also known, as power control, the dominant is in charge of the relationship and the submissive, submits. It should be noted that extensive care is gone into something like this. The couple should have long talks about what is acceptable for them. The level of submission will vary between relationships. Some people will only submit in the bedroom and others submit in every part of their relationship. Oddly enough people often use certain BDSM activities to spice up their sex life. Commonly things like tying your lover up (bondage), spanking (for discipline or sado-masochistic purposes), or blindfolding (a light form of sensory deprivation) are used to add a little kink to a couple’s life. Occasionally, you will see a couple go further by adding knife play, candle wax, or even sexual D/s to their life for additional gratification. Participating in BDSM does not make you, as a person, any different from anyone else. In most cases, BDSM is used to enjoy sex more fully. Even the most complete D/s relationship still results in the same pleasure, pain, and needs that any other relationship offers. The dynamics may be slightly different, though the fact that the two people involved are in a loving relationship is the same. In both relationships the individuals are consenting and enjoy being in the type of relationships that they are in. Some might equate BDSM with abuse, though it is important to remember that BDSM is consensual. The chance of ending up being abused is no better or worse than any relationship. In the future, I will be adding additional information on parts of the BDSM lifestyle. I will offer information on toys, activities, and offer advice if questions come in concerning BDSM and the D/s lifestyle. So, feel free to ask away. I’d like to believe I’m a fount of knowledge on this topic.

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