Can’t run, can’t hide: How your blind date knows you’re a mom

You want to have a romantic evening out; perhaps recapturing how it once felt — before you ever had kids — to be footloose and fancy-free. You’ve hired a babysitter and dolled yourself up… you’re out the door to meet your date and no one would ever suspect that you’re a mommy! Or would they?

How he knows you’re a mom when…

  • He spots a Poke’mon sticker stuck to the heel of your shoe.
  • You say his car is “Like totally awesome, dude.”
  • When the meal comes you tuck in his napkin and begin cutting his meat into bite-size pieces.
  • You constantly interrupt him to correct his grammar.
  • You speak in single-syllable words.
  • He catches you humming the theme to Sesame Street, but you insist it’s from an Italian operetta.
  • Midway through dinner you excuse yourself to go “potty.”
  • You suggest to the Maitre’d that they might want to consider using outlet covers on the light sockets that aren’t in use.
  • You refer to your friends as “Timmy’s mom, Jennifer’s mom and Ashley’s mom.”
  • His favorite band is Savage Garden. Yours is the Washington Middle School Jazz Band.
  • You urge him to eat all of his vegetables so he can be “big and strong.”
  • You know just a little too much about Pikachu and Charmander.
  • Your favorite movie is “The Little Mermaid.”
  • Your signature scent seems to be a mixture of inexpensive perfume and Bounce dryer sheets with a hint of Vick’s Vapor Rub.
  • You offer to carry his cell phone in your purse… and you still have room for his briefcase.
  • He could play Let’s Make a Deal with Monty Hall and the contents of your purse.
  • You seem to hoard the food on your plate as though someone were going grab it at any minute.
  • He could swear that’s a spit ball stuck in your hair.
  • When he talks about going to the gym, you ask if that is at Randolph High or Lincoln High.
  • You refuse to turn the car ignition on until he is wearing his seat belt.
  • Upon being seated at the restaurant, you take away all his sharp silverware.
  • You thoughtfully fill his water glass… but only half full — in case he spills.
  • You make him turn around during the love scenes of the movie.
  • You turn into a pumpkin at your babysitter’s bedtime.
  • The only restaurant where you are familiar with the menu (and Happy Meal prize) is McDonald’s.
  • You insist on pointing out the moral to every story.
  • There’s a partially-eaten sucker stuck to the back of your coat.
  • When he kisses you good-night, you spit on a tissue and wipe the lipstick smudge off his cheek.

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