Kids Draw the Darndest Things — Like These 35 Phallic Wonders

by Molly Ade
Aug 30, 2017 at 4:00 a.m. ET

Remember that scene in Superbad when little Seth was obsessed with filling his lunchbox full of pictures of penises? Turns out the premise of that story wasn't so far-fetched.

True, most kids aren't drawing pictures of male genitalia on purpose like Jonah Hill's character in the crude (yet hilarious) movie, but children are constantly coming up with imaginings that are unintentionally phallic in nature.

And for some reason, we ain't mad at it.

Sure, all these drawings were meant to be something other than what they appear to be, but that doesn't make them any less funny. On the contrary, it almost makes them funnier. The little ones can't seem to understand what we find so hilarious, but maybe they will someday.

Check these out. We dare you not to laugh. 

Originally posted August 2016. Updated August 2017.

1 /35: Shear terror

1/35 :Shear terror

Those are some funky lookin' scissors. 

2 /35: Don't go chasing waterfalls

2/35 :Don't go chasing waterfalls

Just stick to the rivers and the penises you're used to.

3 /35: Obviously a truck

3/35 :Obviously a truck


4 /35: No 2 shovels look alike

4/35 :No 2 shovels look alike

In this case, some shovels don't even look like shovels.

5 /35: Whatever this is

5/35 :Whatever this is

It's Dad. Or is it?

6 /35: This chalk 'stick' figure

6/35 :This chalk 'stick' figure

At least it's not permanent marker!

7 /35: Thank a firefighter

7/35 :Thank a firefighter

Just maybe not this way.

8 /35: The new brand of lawnmowers

8/35 :The new brand of lawnmowers

Can I get this at my local hardware store?

9 /35: Blue 'whale' or sperm 'whale'

9/35 :Blue 'whale' or sperm 'whale'

These new Finding Dory characters are getting out of hand.

10 /35: Just a dad & his watering can

10/35 :Just a dad & his watering can

On World Naked Gardening Day perhaps?

11 /35: Another drawing of Dad

11/35 :Another drawing of Dad

Who knew Dad was so difficult to draw?

12 /35: When you give a kid metallic pens...

12/35 :When you give a kid metallic pens...

She'll give you a thank-you note to save forever.

13 /35: Let the lighthouse guide you home

13/35 :Let the lighthouse guide you home

Or let it give you a chuckle.

14 /35: Lovely family portrait

14/35 :Lovely family portrait

This child doesn't know how accurate this is.

15 /35: Holiday greetings

15/35 :Holiday greetings

I saw Daddy shaking hands with Santa Claus, or something.

16 /35: A kind gesture

16/35 :A kind gesture

The bed looks a little... off.

17 /35: Illustration for clarity

17/35 :Illustration for clarity

Though maybe the ocean or the sky would have worked too.

18 /35: Merry Christmas!

18/35 :Merry Christmas!

All Santa wants this year is a new hat.

19 /35: A valiant hero

19/35 :A valiant hero

Heroes come in all sorts of... shapes and sizes.

20 /35: Whistle while you work

20/35 :Whistle while you work

Even if the whistle is a bit "special."

21/35 :Ho-ho-ho?

On second thought, Santa, I'll pass on the golf clubs.

22 /35: Off to the races!

22/35 :Off to the races!

You don't see racetracks shaped like that nowadays.

23 /35: Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

23/35 :Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

And I... I took the one that looked like a penis.

24 /35: Grocery store mix-up

24/35 :Grocery store mix-up

The apple doesn't fall far from the, uh, penis?

25 /35: Just a dad & his bike

25/35 :Just a dad & his bike

Where does Dad end and the bike begin?

26 /35: A confusing scene

26/35 :A confusing scene

Really, what doesn't look phallic in this?

27 /35: Carnival activities

27/35 :Carnival activities

"I'm keeping this one forever!" — One proud mother

28 /35: There's got to be some explanation here

28/35 :There's got to be some explanation here

Who wants to start?

29 /35: Athleticism in action

29/35 :Athleticism in action

Leg kicks that high are hard to come across.

30 /35: Just everything about this

30/35 :Just everything about this

Let's just let the picture do the talking.

31 /35: Phallic fashion

31/35 :Phallic fashion

The kid says it's a high heel. The eyes tell us something different.

32 /35: Mermaids?

32/35 :Mermaids?

Well, mermaids swim...

33/35 :Birds

Fly high, little... never mind. 

34 /35: A funny face

34/35 :A funny face

Funny, indeed. 

35/35 :Hot dog

Do you see the dog wearing a hot dog?