There are plenty of attentive, wonderful, supportive dads out there, and we absolutely love to see it. But there are also an unbelievable amount of men who seem to be actively trying to be the most garbage fathers possible, and Reddit is a hotbed for just the type.
From dads who neglect their infants to play video games to men who create “rules” for their stay-at-home wives, the following fathers are giving “scum of the earth,” and Reddit wholeheartedly agrees. Incensed mothers and wives have taken to the platform’s “Am I The A—hole” thread to share their woes, along with a few confused dads who just can’t seem to figure out that, yes, they are the a—hole in their situation.
One dad's refusal to turn his dog's room into a nursery has Reddit livid. https://t.co/FVmDh9niaN
— SheKnows (@SheKnows) October 26, 2022
While we all love a juicy AITA post, the following stories are positively jaw-dropping in the most unbelievably infuriating way possible. One dad even takes frequent leisure trips by himself while his wife takes care of their three kids at home, and he has the audacity to tell her she needs to tighten the purse strings on her spending as if he isn’t the one traveling the world like he’s a bachelor. That’s just a cute little sneak peek of what’s to come, so brew yourself a tall mug of calming tea (trust us, you’re gonna need it) and buckle up, because these dads are seriously sending us.
Emotionally Abusing & Manipulating His Hardworking Wife
This one requires a lot of deep breathing because of its emotional intensity. A young mom took to Reddit to ask if she’s the a—hole in her situation, and she’s anything but — she’s basically a saint, actually.
At her wit’s end, she wrote, “My husband does not help with the household whatsoever. Doesn’t wash dishes, do laundry, clean any room of the house, cook dinner, etc. He’ll get home and throw off his uniform onto the floor and leave it there until the next day. If the house is dirty, he’ll chide me and tell me that I don’t do anything, I don’t clean enough, I don’t cook dinner enough, etc.”
“Our biggest issue is the baby. I am the main caretaker for our son 99.9% of the time. I get up with him during the night when he wakes up crying. My husband will here or there, but he’ll start screaming at me about how he needs his rest and I need to get up. If our son is sick, I’m the one that takes off work.”
She continued, “I’m the one that gets up at 6 am and stays up with our son until about 12 pm-1 pm and that’s when I tell my husband he needs to get up and take care of the baby so I can take a nap (he sleeps anywhere from 8-14 hrs a day while I take a nap between 1-4 hrs). Once I get up, he complains that I’ve been sleeping ‘all day’ while he’s been taking care of the baby by himself and I’m lazy.”
The woman explained, “I paused [my husband’s] game tonight because every night we feed our son and give him a bath at 7 pm on the dot. He’s always had this routine. After I fed the baby, I told my husband that it was time for the bath (after I already laid out all the baby supplies and clothes for after bath) and my husband told me to ‘just sit the baby down in the playpen until he’s done with the game.'”
She continued, “I gently told him no, that it’s bedtime and I wasn’t going to shift our son’s routine so he could play the game for an extra half hour and my husband needs to learn to prioritize. I then paused the game and my husband flew off the handle, threatening to break my phone and refused to give our son a bath and called me lazy for not doing it instead.”
After being met with overwhelming support in the replies, the woman shared more information: “When I got pregnant, my husband (then bf) told me I had to get an abortion or he would not be involved whatsoever. I accepted that and decided to keep him on my own.”
She continued, “My husband then changed his mind and said he wanted to be a family and be involved, and that’s why we got married (so we could be stationed together). During my pregnancy, my husband constantly ignored me, ignored all my calls and texts. Constantly threatened divorce. It got so bad I was on the verge of getting an abortion at 5 months pregnant bc the stress was too much. He threatened to sue me if I did.”
“My husband has commented negatively on my weight, intelligence, dream career, my worth as a wife, woman, and mother,” she wrote. “I haven’t left yet because I was so broken down I was convinced I had nowhere to go and couldn’t do it without him, and that nobody would want me the way I am after having a baby (his words). After getting promoted last week, and having a job lined up after getting out, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am finally ready to get out and let go. Ready to be free.”
For the complete rundown on the abuse and neglect both she and her son have faced, as well as the advice, encouragement, and praise given by fellow Redditors, read the full story here.
Telling His Wife, Who Is a Stay-at-Home Mom, When to Clean
This dad used to have a great arrangement with his wife, who is a stay-at-home mom to their two boys. She does all the childcare and cleaning while he works. But he decided to open his mouth and tell her when she should be cleaning, and whoa — it is intense.
“Since I am a stay at home mom he says that this is ‘my job’ and I need to treat it as such,” the mom wrote on Reddit, adding that her husband “does not help out with the cleaning or the kids.”
But one day, her husband started complaining about her morning coffee breaks. “Usually when I wake up I like to relax and drink my coffee and take my time,” she continued. “And then when my 1 yr old goes to nap, I start cleaning. It’s the way that works best for me. My husband thinks I need to start cleaning right after I wake up cuz ‘that’s what you would do at a job.’”
Someone suggested in the comments section, “Ask why he gets to clock out of his job but yours is 24/7.” And while she’s at it, she should ask him where her paycheck and PTO are.
“No, you have every right to be annoyed,” another person wrote. “If it were a regular day job, then you wouldn’t just start at a specific time — your shift would end at a certain time as well.”
Redditors offer more practical suggestions and hilarious quips for this exasperated mom. You can read our full write-up of the situation (and more info on the outrageous things this toxic husband does) here.
Choosing Video Games Over His Crying Newborn
This one’s a doozy. We’ve got a lazy and ignorant dad who ignores his newborn daughter’s cries to play video games instead. Not only that, but he also claims he’s exhausted from taking care of her when around friends.
The mother of the baby took to Reddit to write, “Ever since the baby was born my husband has helped very little. But when we have visitors or we are around our closest friends he makes comments like he’s the one who’s been up.”
She went on to explain, “[W]e started to continuously argue after he started to go back to playing video games. I know it’s his stress reliever… [but] he plays all day and doesn’t focus on the baby when it’s necessary.” Oh, it gets worse. The new mom added, “His excuse is she needs to cry to makes her lungs strong.” If your eye is twitching, don’t worry — ours are too.
She added a heartbreaking piece of information: “He’s the one who wanted a baby the most and is the one who helped me the least. At the hospital he was very supportive but once we were home it’s like a switch went off on him & forgot that in these moments I needed him the most.”
People flooded the responses with support for the mom, with one writing, “It’s very alarming in front of company [men] lie which means they know what they are doing,” to which another user responded, “Exactly. My ex would say stuff like he was tired etc and I was like from what, watching me be a parent??”
The poor woman detailed even more instances of emotional abuse and gaslighting in terms of both his parenting and partnership — get the full scoop on the situation and our scathing thoughts here.
Secretly Tracking His Nearly-Grown Daughter
A conflicted stepmom took to Reddit to express concerns over her husband’s behavior toward his nearly 18-year-old daughter, explaining that he bought the young woman a car for her upcoming birthday. Sounds like an amazing father, right? Hold your horses on that thought.
The concerned wife wrote, “I overheard him speaking with a friend of his about installing a tracking device in the new car. I was stunned. I brought up with him later at night and told him how wrong this was. He said it was non of my business but I told him that if and when [his daughter] finds out then there’s gonna be troubles.”
She continued, “I said I’d tell her but he told me to stay out of it since it’s his daughter not mine and that if I wanted to parent my way then I was free to have my own children.” The woman added a jaw-dropping, infuriating insight: “This stung because he knows I can’t have kids due to infertility problems.”
Redditers assured the stepmom that she is definitly not TA in this situation, with one user responding, “Once she is 18 consider that a) it’s you telling another adult what’s up b) if this were just about safety (vs. control) he would tell her himself: ‘I put a geolocator on it in case you ever run into trouble, here’s how it works.’ The fact that he is furious at the prospect of it no longer being secret is an enormous tell.”
Another user pointed out additional red flags: “This is a man who is doubling down on his loss of control over a grown woman fed up with not being able to make her own choices by making it clear he will never allow her to live her life without his approval. What would you do if Christine were a friend in a relationship with a man like this, and not your stepdaughter? What would you want her to do for you?”
To learn about the situation in full, including additional insights about the stepdaughter’s strained relationship with her father, click here.
Policing His Stay-at-Home Partner
A sleep-deprived and overworked stay-at-home mom took to Reddit to vent about caring for and entertaining her 15-month-old daughter around the clock with approximately 30 minutes of help from her husband on a good day. The real kicker though? He doesn’t “allow” her to turn on the TV while he’s at work, and he spies on her through interior cameras to make sure she’s obeying.
The mom wrote, “My husband is very controlling and does not allow me to turn the tv on during the day. I have tried to sneak it before and he caught me by hearing the sound of the tv when he was checking the cameras that are throughout our house.”
She continued, “This is a stressor because I would love to kill some time with her by plopping her down in front of the tv for 30-60mins. Even to just prepare a meal without her on my hip.”
People virtually rushed to her side, with one person responding, “Is anyone gonna mention the fact how INSANE it is for a husband to spy on you through cameras in your house and ban his wife from turning the TV on? That is so toxic I can’t even…”
Another user wrote, “I’m sorry but maybe you’re unhappy because you’re trapped in an abusive relationship. Your partner is supposed to be your teammate and collaborator, not your boss or your jailor.”
The OP responded with newfound determination, writing, “He will lecture me and it is the most annoying thing to listen to. I’ve made up my mind that today I am unplugging the cameras and chilling with my daughter while we watch movies all day. You’ve encouraged me.”
Get the full story on this overwhelmed mom and her trash can of a husband here.
Treating His Wife Like a Restaurant Hostess
A mother who works from home has had it with her absentee husband. The woman, who has two school-aged kids, took to Reddit to ask if she was the a—hole, writing, “[My husband] picks up the kids from school and then goes to the gym and/or the bar down the street… [and] he asks that I text him when dinner is done.”
She continued, “This annoys me right off the bat bc it is a lot everyday to get off work, open the door to your office, and immediately be thrown into watching kids and figuring out dinner. So to think about him casually sipping a beer and then just popping up to enjoy a hot meal doesn’t sit right with me.”
Redditers assured the frustrated mom that she is absolutely not in the wrong, with one person drawing a scathing comparison: “Some restaurants do this. When you come in, they give you a pager, and when your table is ready, they page you. He has mistaken you for one of those restaurants. NTA.”
Another user roasted the husband, writing, “Maybe tell him you would be happy to take turns. You might enjoy hanging out at the bar every other day, sipping beer while his lordship whips up a meatloaf. See what he thinks about that.”
The OP connected with one response in particular, which read, “NTA – I think it doesn’t sit right for a lot of reasons that have been mentioned, but the request for a text communicates ‘I don’t want to be at home a single second longer than I must be, so please alert me so I can maximize my away time.'”
If your blood isn’t boiling enough already, check out the full story on “his lordship,” as the cheeky responder appropriately deemed him, here.
Vacationing While His Wife Cares For 3 Kids
Buckle up for this one: A rightly pissed-off mom hopped on Reddit to vent about her husband, who frequently leaves her at home with an 11-year-old, a toddler, and a newborn while he takes trips for fun. Unacceptable, right? Well, it gets worse.
“The weekend before this last trip, he was super aloof, grumpy, and distant,” she wrote. “He chose to revisit our eternal argument over money and finances, and for the first time he directed his frustration at my spending habits. Essentially, I was left with the directive to stop spending so much money, and don’t I dare make it sound like he’s the one stopping me from spending.”
She continued, “I’m maxed out. Nursing around the clock. Potty training our toddler. Preparing to return to work. Doing all household chores and repairs. Getting our oldest ready for his first year of middle school… All without the physical, emotional, and now financial support of my partner. Do it all on your own, but don’t spend any money doing it. Convenience? Comfort? Activities? Not important.”
Redditers flooded the comments with disbelief at the husband’s frequent solo leisure traveling, with one person writing, “He’s not your partner he is living like a bachelor while you’re holding down the home and raising his children… Who cares about your spending, how much do these trips cost?”
One dad commented, “My wife would literally have had divorce papers waiting for me, taped to the front door that had its locks changed while I was gone,” and we hope this mom has taken inspiration from him. For more on this story, click here.
Paying For His Stepson’s Tuition — But Not His Daughter’s
One dad took to Reddit to ask if he was the a-hole because his head was so far up his own, he couldn’t quite figure it out alone.
After explaining that he has a daughter with an ex-girlfriend who he had split with before finding out she was pregnant and that he’s skeptical he’s even the girl’s father (yep, scum of the earth), the OP wrote, “I never really had a relationship with Darla but I would see her every once in a while when she was in my parents’ house with her mother.”
The man shared that he paid his stepson’s tuition in full, and that “Darla’s mom got very angry when she found out because I haven’t done the same to Darla. Apparently she’s going to college this year too as her mom didn’t had enough money to pay her tuition and she had to work to pay for it.” He’s such a fine parent that he didn’t even know his own kid was going to college.
One person gave him a much-needed reality check in the replies, writing, “You COULD have had a paternity test when Darla was born. You COULD have paid more to care for Darla, and gotten a parenting plan to allow you to spend time with your daughter at any time. You CHOSE to pay a minimum amount of child support and make excuses about your daughter. I can see why Darla’s mother doesn’t care for you.”
Another user cut the deadbeat dad down to size even further, commenting, “You ever wonder how your daughter feels about this? About having an absent father who practically denies her existence while playing doting dad to his step child?”
Read about the situation in full, along with other Redditers’ searing comments and more of our own thoughts, here.
Neglecting His Infant to Stream Instead
Some of these men are seriously giving gamer dads a really, really bad rep. One enraged mother took to Reddit to share that her husband has a YouTube channel with over 14,000 followers, and he regularly live-streams for them. She goes on to explain that she asked him to watch their infant daughter while she went grocery shopping, and he agreed.
“I was gone for 4hrs but kept calling him to see if everything was OK,” she wrote. “He’d tell me she was alright and that she was sleeping. I started getting this weird feeling something was wrong because she must’ve had been hungry or needed a diaper change.”
The OP trusted her gut and headed home to find her husband not only streaming rather than looking after his daughter — who the mom found to have a full diaper and an empty bottle — but doing so with his door shut.
“I was beyond seething, I barged into the office and saw him sitting,” she recounted. “I blew up while he was trying to turn his mic off and telling me to stop but I didn’t stop. I berated him for leaving our daughter unattended and with no milk nor diaper change. He freaked out on me saying I just ended his entire channel and destroyed his fan base for interrupting his live stream and embarrassing and scandalized him like that.”
People read the neglectful dad to absolute filth in the replies, with one user writing, “What he did was unconscionable, and the fact that he had an absolute TANTRUM and explosive upset over you potentially embarrassing him in front of his followers or ruining his ‘channel’ … and not the fact that HE LEFT HIS INFANT CHILD SITTING HUNGRY AND IN A SOILED DIAPER so that he could TALK AT A BUNCH OF COMPLETE STRANGERS is horrifying, and inexplicable by any other reasoning.”
We couldn’t agree more. Get the full scoop on this unbelievable situation here.
Refusing to Be at His Child’s Birth
One of our least favorite types of men is the kind who demeans women for natural processes of woman- and motherhood, and that’s exactly what this dad-to-be is doing to his pregnant wife.
The man took to Reddit to explain that he and his wife are expecting their first child soon, writing, “Recently we began discussing who my wife want in the delivery room. She wants both me and her mom… A bit weird in my opinion.” Yeah, we’re scratching our heads at his weird opinion, too.
“Anyways, I told her I don’t want to be there during the delivery. Only before and after,” the man continued. “I see no point in it. It’s not going to be beautiful, just messy.” Real winner, this one. As if he couldn’t get any viler, the OP wrote, “If her mom takes care and watches whatever mess happens in there, I’ll gladly take care of the mess that comes after pregnancy.” Excuse us while we let out a scream of rage into the void.
He continued with incredible ignorance, “My wife is visibly upset about this… She even told her mom so she’s mad at me too. Personally, I just don’t wish to see it. I’ve heard horror stories about what happens during labour… I don’t want to see my wife that way. WIBTA if I’m not in the delivery room?”
Redditers swiftly let the OP know he is absolutely an a—hole for this misogynistic take, with one person writing, “YTA. She wants you there for support, not to witness. You know you don’t need to have your face in her vagina while she’s giving birth right? You could be up by her head and holding her hand or encouraging her.”
Another user called out the man’s extremely poor start to fatherhood, commenting, “Fatherhood doesn’t start when after the baby is born and all cleaned up, it starts from when your baby is conceived and you need to step up and support your wife when she needs it.”
If this summary didn’t incite you with enough rage, feel free to read the full thread here.
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