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Is our sex life over forever?

In this installment of Tough Love, Kit from Blogging Dangerously offers advice on sex after baby.

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Couple with newborn

Tough Love with Kit @ Blogging Dangerously

The question

Help! My husband and I had a great physical relationship before our child was born, but now I’m just not that into it! Is our sex life over forever?

Kit answers:

First of all, congratulations on your new baby!

Now relax! If your sex life was over, the world would be full of only children — so rest assured that things will get better.

Now that your baby is here — and your life has changed in so many ways — it’s normal to want your sex life to go back to the way it was before your pregnancy, but you need to give it time. Your body did an amazing thing and it needs to recover. And once you’ve recovered physically, hormones and sleep deprivation can still conspire to sap your sex drive.

But there are definitely things you can do to enjoy your body and your husband’s body, in the meantime.

Love yourself

The first thing you can do is to get comfortable with your own body again. You may be reluctant to initiate sex until you’re sure it’s not going to be painful. Experimenting with your body while you’re alone will allow you to enjoy your sexuality and understand your limits. It can also be fun!

The next thing you can do is to enjoy your husband’s body. You can implement a “no touching” rule if you’re not ready for reciprocation. He may be disappointed but trust me when I tell you that he’ll be appreciative enough to go along with it. Do whatever you feel comfortable with, and if you’re not really into it, then maybe you could just lend some moral support while he crosses the finish line by himself?

Why you should be necking

When your body is feeling better but you’re still feeling exhausted, try to make an effort to go to bed earlier — and dedicate some time for the two of you. Your baby won’t be walking in on you for a couple of years, so make some time on Saturday mornings or Sunday afternoons when your baby is sleeping and you have some down time.

>> 10 Ways to make time for sex after baby

Finally, remember high school: There are lots of things that you and your husband can do to enjoy each other — kissing, hugging, cuddling, etc. This is a great time to get back to basics. And if you get caught necking in the car, you can gesture back to your newborn in the infant carrier and say, “We’re married, we’re legally required to be doing this.”

Tell us: Is sex after baby realistic? How do you balance your needs and your need for a healthy marriage and your newborn’s needs? Is this balance even possible?

  About Tough Love

Tough LoveWe’re taking your parenting questions and asking for advice from some of the web’s most popular mom bloggers. These thoughtful moms are not afraid to tell you exactly what they think. The result? Tough Love.

Looking for some parenting advice? Click here to send your question to our advice columnists. Remember, this is Tough Love – the advice may not always be diplomatic. But it will always be thoughtful, honest and straight from the hip.

More ways to reignite the spark

How to revive your sex drive gives the scoop on how to put the spark back into your relationship.

More on sex after baby

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