Moms have their own major food groups

I told my daughter that I wasn’t going to buy any
chocolate candy bars from her THIS time.

Another school year, another fundraiser…and another
thirty dollars worth of chocolate in my gut. UGH.

I had good intentions. I told my daughter the night
before that she could NOT count on me to buy any
chocolate. Well, maybe just one. Or two.

Then, I practically tackled her as she walked in the
front door. “Where’s the chocolate?!”

“I thought you weren’t going to buy any!”

“I NEED chocolate. I have to have it!”

She fended me off with a chocolate crunch bar wrapped
in a coupon for two dollars off my favorite pizza
place. Mmm. Pizza.

I blame the cold. I blame my motherly instincts. I
blame the fact that I was very pregnant for most of my
pregnancies in the winter. I need to bulk up. I need
blubber to keep me warm throughout the holidays. Give
me fat and carbohydrates or give me death!

Now, it has come to my attention that many mothers
read my column. It has also come my attention that
mothers hold the health and well-being of their
children in their power and a column like mine just
might convince these mothers (who also struggle with
self-control when it comes to delectable temptations)
that making appropriate and healthful choices are
hopeless.

I told you the diet police were everywhere! Somebody
needs a hug.

I am so confident that the mothers who read my column
are both intelligent and informed that I can risk
making fun of the battles we moms wage when it comes
to the dirtiest four letter word in the English
vocabulary: DIET. Aside from choking on their coffee
and spraying the computer monitor or the newspaper, I
doubt little ole me could cause much harm let alone
harden the arteries of even the gentlest of mothers.

That said, there comes a time in every woman’s day (I
blame the kids) or month (I blame what helps create
kids) when she MUST HAVE chocolate. And here comes my
innocent child with a box of fifty bars of salvation.

Okay, maybe the fat grams hit the roof today, but I
guarantee there were five less incidents of road rage
for this mom alone. Think of all the other women in
the neighborhood tackling school kids for chocolate
who also will drive cheerfully in heavenly chocolate
bliss.

Moms have their own major food groups and some form of
chocolate can be found in every category.

If you’re a woman and especially if you’re a mom, you
know what I mean. And Hershey, Dove and Cadbury care.
Haagen Daz, Ben & Jerry and Lady Godiva won’t let us
down. They understand.

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