Blending a family is tricky enough as it is, but one man on Reddit made it even more challenging when he suggested a bedroom plan that did not go over well with his fiance and her daughters. The man and his wife-to-be decided to move into his house since it’s “bigger and in a better area.” The two-bedroom home will now house two adults and three teens, and the exact arrangements are a hot topic of debate — within the family and on the internet.
“A few years ago I finished the basement and added a bathroom to it and gave it to my [14-year-old] daughter,” the original poster (OP) said on the AITA subreddit. “The other room is my office that I was planning to turn into a bedroom for my fiancé’s [14- and 16-year-old] daughters.”
He says it’s a small room, but it can fit two beds, especially if they opt for a bunk bed instead of two twins.
As one user aptly pointed out: “Bunk beds at 16 and 14? Be real.”
It doesn’t have a bathroom, but the man joked that he “doesn’t live in a palace,” so it isn’t far from the bedroom. Unsurprisingly, the fiancé and her daughters are not thrilled with this plan.
“She thinks I’m an a-hole for planning to let my daughter have the entire basement for herself and force hers to share a small room,” he said. “I think this has been my daughter’s room for years, she decorated it with her [late] mom and therefore she shouldn’t have to give it up.”
Reddit is all over the place when it comes to how he should proceed, saying he is in a “complete no-win situation.” The biggest concern, users say, is how this will affect the family dynamic. Almost any way you slice it, someone will be unhappy.
“Shoving 2 teenage girls in a smaller space, when another has a much bigger space, will breed resentment. Similarly, if you move your daughter away from the basement, she will resent you,” one commenter said.
And so many suggested the family take this to neutral ground.
“The only way for this relationship to survive is to move into a different house, with ‘equivalent’ bedrooms for the kids,” another commenter said.
Of course, this is under the assumption that the family can afford to move (both financially and logistically) and put both houses on the market. Plus, there’s still the matter of what the family does while the house (hopefully) sells. The OP could then be upset given that this wasn’t in his original cards, and his daughter would still have to leave behind the room she decorated with her mother.
Alternatively, they wonder if there is a way to split the basement in three, or if the money used from selling the fiance’s house can go toward a renovation.
Those on the side of his daughter are adamant that she be allowed to keep the basement, since it is understandably so sentimental.
“Do you realise the daughter’s DEAD MOTHER helped her decorate the basement room, right? To rip that away from her would be the furthest thing from fair.”
Those on the side of the step daughters point out that they are making sacrifices too.
“You do realize both of the other girls are not only losing their room, but their home as well? Why does it only matter that this one girl stay in place but not the other two who are not only losing their room, their home, their way of life, and being squeezed into a tiny room where one will have to be trying to fit onto a top bunk. But God forbid the other girl have to take all her decorations from her mother and move to another room in her own house …”
And then there’s the matter of this OP’s mindset: “YTA for treating the house you will both share as if it’s just yours still,” someone fairly pointed out.
This dad needs to stop calling it his house (and no, it’s not just a simple matter of semantics) and making it seem like the new members of their family are merely guests. If they are moving in together, OP needs to remember it’s now his fiancé and her kids’ home too.
Another option that commenters threw around was for OP and his fiancé to move into the second bedroom (after all, he says it’s a suitable room for two people), and his stepdaughters can move into the primary bedroom. This might not be ideal for the soon-to-be newlyweds, but if it keeps the peace within their family, isn’t it worthwhile? Or perhaps this option will be the wake up call that forces the dad to find a more equitable solution.
“Maybe giving the master bedroom to the sisters and having the parents, who are the architects of this arrangement, take the box room, would be the fairest option without moving house,” one user said.
Architects. Get it?
And then there’s the controversial question of “why move at all?”
“Teens need stability and support. Just date for a few years and wait for the empty nest to merge households. I know it isn’t what you WANT to do, but you are parents and your kids should come first.”
That may be best for the parents’ relationship with their daughters, but how will that impact their romantic relationship? Perhaps just as poorly as the current plan would affect the family’s relationship as a whole.
And so we have to side with the the Redditors who didn’t decide if OP was or was not the a-hole, but instead said that “ESH” — Everyone (the people and/or the options!) Sucks Here. What would you do in this situation?
Before you go, check out these unbelievable stories about Reddit’s worst dads.
Leave a Comment