Money is often a sore subject in general, but for an ex-couple with kids, it’s usually the crown jewel of topics to fight over. For one Reddit dad, it’s a topic he can’t quite get over, and Reddit is putting him in his place for it.
Sharing his story on the “Am I The A—hole” subreddit, the man explains, “I’ve (m38) been divorced from my ex-wife (f35) for 10 years. And we have two kids together (m12 and m10). I remarried a year later while she’s still single. I have 3 further kids (f9, f7, f3). I have my sons over every weekend.”
He continues, “About 4 years [ago], my ex-wife opened up an online business and she’s been making 6 figures. While my wife is a stay-at-home mum and I make 30k to support our family. So you can imagine how this difference has affected our 2 households. They live in a gated community, she drives a 2022 RSQ3. And she and our sons go on 2 extravagant holidays a year.”
The dad seems to be insecure and upset that his ex is doing really well for herself financially while he’s bringing in a much lower salary. We empathize with him and his family’s struggle, but it’s not like his ex-wife just fell into a sum of money; she’s been working hard to earn it.
Reddit dad continues, “My sons came over this weekend and started telling me and the girls they’re going on a Disney concierge cruise in the summer. My daughters started crying saying daddy we wanna go, and when I looked online for the prices, they’re priced at $5k per person. It’s been all they’ve talked about non-stop. I feel like their wealth is being shoved down our throats when we can barely afford heating this Christmas.”
We’re shaking our heads at this dad — of course his sons are excited about a Disney cruise, and they just wanted to share the news with their dad. They shouldn’t have to tip-toe around fun news for fear of upsetting his ego. It doesn’t sound like the boys were being malicious in talking about their vacation, so the dad is definitely being dramatic in his claim that “their wealth is being shoved down our throats” — it isn’t his ex’s fault that she can afford to vacation and he can’t.
The dad continues, “It’s hard not to be hateful but I sent her a long text saying stop trying to make us feel less than. I also told my sons in private pls don’t mention holidays or gifts around the girls. She replied saying it’s not her problem how we feel, and when she does nice things for the boys me and my wife are the last people on her mind? Am I reading into this too much? Or am I the a—hole for saying she’s spiteful?”
We’re full-on slapping our foreheads at this guy’s unnecessary sensitivity, and we aren’t alone. Other Redditors told the dad he needs to get over himself, with one user writing, “YTA. She is doing NOTHING wrong. ‘Me and my wife are the last people on her mind?’ Of course you are. What else would you expect? She is good to her kids. Good parenting. YOU are no concern to her, except that you are a parent to her kids. ‘Or am I the a—hole for saying she’s spiteful?’ YES, you are.”
Someone else agreed, commenting, “Seriously? ‘I’m earning a low wage so you must also either earn a low wage and struggle or I will think you are only doing it to be spiteful’ Nah OP, she is living her best life and you are not even an afterthought in it. YTA.”
The comments go on, with one Redditor writing, “Your ex-wife is doing well for herself and wants to treat her children well, and you aren’t part of the equation here. Stop being spiteful yourself and be better for your kids.” Another wrote, “YTA for having a SAHW while only making 30k a year with 5 kids in the picture. Get over your insecurities, tell the new wife to get a job, learn how to budget but most importantly keep your nose out of your ex’s financials.”
One user commented, “He and his sons would be in a much worse state if his ex hadn’t read the writing on the wall and worked hard to provide for their future. She may be single now because she spent the last 4 years running a successful business, that’s time you gotta put in to make work. It’s understandable if she didn’t have time or focus to date. But OP, you can bet your own AH that your ex is not going to be single for long and is probably going to meet an awesome, successful man.” Points were certainly made.
Another Redditor summed up the situation perfectly, writing, “While it sounds like this woman is simply living her life, OP feels like this is some personal attack on him and his second family. I really don’t think that is the case. I think it is reasonable to gently explain the situation in an age-appropriate way to his older sons and ask them to not talk about the trips/gifts in detail, but OP seems to overestimate his importance in this woman’s life.”
OP needs to realize that the things he’s complaining about are in his power to change, and he should work on his own life rather than stomp his feet about his ex’s financial standing and how she’s able to share her wealth with their sons — deservedly so.
Before you go, check out these unbelievable stories about Reddit’s worst dads.