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This Reddit Dad’s Toddlers Are Blocking Sexy Time & Parents Everywhere Know the Struggle

Co-sleeping with your kids can be so wonderful … sometimes. But all parents have needs, and some of those can’t be fulfilled with a baby in your bed. Namely, sexy time (although watching your tv shows comes in a close second). One dad on Reddit complained about his toddlers completely blocking any intimacy with his wife, and the story was so relatable!

In the Parenting subreddit, a dad wrote that he has two kids with his wife, ages 3 and a half and 1 and a half. He explained that his wife has gotten her period back after giving birth, but it is irregular and lasts 3 out of 4 weeks, meaning they get “a small window” for sexy time. “With that window,” he writes, “our kids are awake ALL THE DAMN TIME.” Why, oh why, does that always seem to happen?

“They know man, they f*cking know,” he adds. “All I want is 10 minutes of intimacy with my wife.”

Parents everywhere are nodding in solidarity. Babies always seem to wake up or start crying or toddle in your room whenever you want to have sex with your partner like they can somehow sense it. It’s uncanny! And it doesn’t seem to get easier the older they get — especially once they learn what sex is and always seem suspicious about what their parents are up to behind closed doors.

The dad explained that it’s hardest with his youngest, who co-sleeps with them. “[M]y youngest.. she has better ideas,” he wrote. “She literally needs to co-sleep. We’ve tried everything, sleep specialists, leaving her crying, putting her down … she will not sleep unless she is with someone. She has pretty bad eczema so it’s understandable.” Oh man, been there! It’s so hard. Obviously your kids come first, but it’s got to be frustrating when you don’t get a break, ever, because your kids need you all the time.

His oldest daughter normally does well, sleeping through the night during those 3 weeks his wife is on her period. “But you know the window … she’s awake … it’s 9pm and for the last week my wife and I have been planning this … but kids,” he wrote, adding, “They don’t want an accidental sibling.”

But seriously, how do kids know? Is there something in the air? Can they really sense another sibling coming? Is it just comically bad luck?

Commenters came through with helpful tips.

“Mornings/ lock the bathroom door in the evenings / come home at lunch, put the TV on for them and go for it. You need to be creative here lol,” one person said.

“The Wiggles got us through a sesh 😄,” someone said, with another writing, “We used to call them ‘Mickey Quickies’ lol.”  Hey, a little screen time never hurt anyone!

Others could relate to the kids’ ability to know when parents try to sneak away.

“I feel your pain. My kids are 3 & 5 yrs and yeah … it’s as if they have radar in their brains for that,” one person wrote. “They’ll be heavily occupied playing Minecraft together but as soon as we try to sneak away and have our ‘alone time’, I kid you not within 2 mins they are either yelling our names or at our door knocking/trying to open it … for what, you ask? Nothing. They need nothing lol … they literally just want attention.”

Some people suggested embracing period sex if both partners are up for it. “If period is lasting 3-4 weeks, then you’ve gotta just bite the bullet and get into some period sex. Do it in the shower or buy a waterproof pad to protect your mattress,” one person wrote.

“Have you tried mornings rather than evenings? 5am was a good time for us!” one person wrote. The dad commented, “That’s not a bad idea. The co-sleeping thing is a nightmare tho, but might be worth setting an alarm 😂.”

All jokes aside, some people were legitimately concerned about the length of the OP’s wife’s periods. (Note: you should call your doctor if you are bleeding for more than 7 days, per the ACOG.)

“On a slightly more serious note, has your wife talked to her GP about the length of her periods?” someone wrote. “I know we are all different, and when I started getting my period back after having the baby it would last between 5 and 10 days, and would go 2-6 weeks between periods before it settled down.” They added, “And you will get there. Keep trying, even if it’s just cuddles you have time for. And there is nothing wrong with the floor or the sofa 😉 It will get easier (I’ve heard).”

Someone else wrote, “Your wife needs to consult her doctor with the period thing. There is a wide range of normal, but that is truly excessive. She needs to have iron levels checked especially.” They also offered some advice, “We bed share with our children. So for many years we had to get creative. Sex works in other rooms of the house! Who woulda known! We also would do early mornings or even mid day if they’re busy with a movie or playing well. Lock the door. Now that they’re older we have our bed and they will come in after we are asleep if they want to sleep with us, it worked out well.”

But the best comment of all? “I think it’s time to consider a babysitter..” Yes! Plan a getaway with your wife during her no-period week. Hire a babysitter and take her to a hotel if you can to truly pamper her. If not, put on Disney+, lock the door, and hope for the best!

These celebs have the fiercest pregnancy style, and we can’t stop staring.

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