A new mom took to Reddit to share an experience she’s having with her husband that is causing collective blood boiling. She started out by explaining that she gave birth five weeks ago and is currently on maternity leave. Her husband “John” doesn’t seem to quite understand what maternity leave entails — namely a time designed for a mom to recuperate and take care of her very small child.
“Recently, he’s been riding me about not having dinner ready when he gets home,” she wrote. “He works from 8-5:30, so it’s not a completely unreasonable time for dinner, but it’s not like I can just stop taking care of our daughter to cook him a meal. I can usually talk him down, and he’ll watch daughter while I cook.”
As days went on, it continued to get worse. He began berating her for not having his dinner “ready and waiting,” all while she was changing their child’s diaper. He also called her lazy and told her that she needed to do her job “properly.”
So, from that moment on, she decided to go to her mom’s house for dinner. She’s refusing to cook for him and he’s furious, claiming she’s leaving him to “starve.” The Reddit user is worried that her retaliation to his behavior is petty and turned to Reddit for feedback.
The response was no: she was definitely not being petty, and many offered a whole lot of warnings about him, as a husband in general. People reinforced that his awful behavior was sure to continue. “You are a new mom, caring for an infant and still doing chores around the house. You are a wife and mom NOT a personal chef,” one person wrote. “If he wants dinner ready when he gets home he can cook before he goes to work or meal prep once or twice a week. Problem solved. Newsflash: You are not leaving him to starve. He is starving himself.”
Moms weighed in to share that this is not typical behavior in a partner and should be dealt with. “Girl I have 3 kids – never (even today when they’re ages 7-12) has my husband demanded dinner be on the table – ESPECIALLY when I was on maternity leave!” a user noted. “Get some couples therapy and lay down some ground rules and expectations. This is not ok. My friend dealt with something similar (he wasn’t pleased with the cleanliness of the house) so she left the baby with dad for the whole day. He never complained again. You guys are a team and he is way out of line. NTA”
Others urged her to leave the relationship. “Major red flags: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 1. “talk him down” – from what? Anger?! This is not a topic worthy of rage or anger. 2. “watch our daughter” – you mean….be a parent? 3. “berating” to have dinner ready and waiting? 4. “put up with” YOUR laziness???? This person is serious trouble. He’s treating abusively. Please get out.”
There is absolutely no justification for this husband’s behavior. Her decision to stop cooking for him is an absolutely fair step and hopefully there are a few more — potentially major — steps she can take that will allow her to feel safe, respected and cared for.
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