Reddit is strongly divided over a story that a parent shared about methods used with their biological son and adopted daughter. For some context: the couple adopted their daughter Julia when she was 11.
“Julia had a very hard and traumatic childhood and one of the habits she had was stealing money,” the Reddit user wrote. “We decided it’s best if we let her earn the money she needs instead of stealing it so we had her working for it. At first it was doing house chores and when she was old enough I would take her to work with me (I own a shop) and she would help me out (nothing hard just answering to some costumers or cleaning stuff).”
Julia is 16 now and no longer has the habit of stealing money. She isn’t required to work for her parents anymore and is welcome to ask for money when she wants it — just like her brother does — but she’s decided to keep working. “Last night I had one of my friends over that I haven’t seen in a very long time. He was talking to Julia and she told him about her part time job with me. He asked Noah if he works as well and he said no,” the parent explained. “Later that night he told me I’m an AH for treating my adoptive daughter differently from my son. It made me wonder if I’m really being an AH and wanted to get non biased opinions.”
The Reddit community had a lot of different thoughts and feedback on this couple’s choices. Some felt strongly that if one child was working for her money, then the other child should be too. “Imagine how it would look if you always had to work for your money but your sibling just has to ask and he gets it,” one person wrote. “At this point if she is working, he should be, too. He should have been taught the same good values and morals.” Another added: “Please talk to her and ensure her that her worth does not come from her providing service. You could have made a teaching moment out of it and made both your children work. Since you did not do that, your daughter might feel like it was her punishment and not a good lesson.”
Some offered their own solutions to the situation. “Why then not give them both an allowance and give the opportunity to earn more by doing some work?” someone asked. “This very much reeks of different treatment even if the initial action against stealing was good.”
Others chimed in to share that they didn’t feel the different treatment was wrong at all — and, in fact, was a solid parenting choice. “You are allowed to treat your children differently if their needs are different, their strengths and weaknesses are different, and the difference in their treatment is to level the playing field so they both become well adjusted, happy and healthy adults,” a user responded.
What do you think about the OP’s parenting methods?
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