“She is a SAHM and I work full-time, usually from 6:30am to 5:30pm or so,” he explained. “… I’m typically in charge of getting him to sleep at night while she obviously puts him down for his afternoon nap.” The consensus between the two parents is that their toddler should get 13 hours of sleep a day. However, the Reddit user noted, his wife has been “lazy” when it comes to her end of the nap time agreement.
“I understand that it’s not always easy, but she has essentially worked out a new system: she waits for him to be utterly exhausted at about 4pm, puts him in bed, and then wakes him up between 6:00 and as late as 6:30,” he wrote. “Therefore, when I try to get him to go to bed between 8 and 9, he’s not tired. At all. It’s basically a horrible wrestling match to get him to stay in bed as he shrieks and cries and bites and doesn’t want to sleep because he’s simply not tired.”
The user is so frustrated that he moved his bed into another room of the house, locked the door at night and had his wife deal with putting the restless toddler to sleep. “This morning, she was exhausted from doing so and in a terrible mood because apparently having to do what I’ve been doing for months was bad,” he said. “She told me that I need to be more active in helping out with him, and I responded that I’ll happily do so once she actually gets him down for his nap at a reasonable time.”
Now, he wants to know if he’s TA for the way he’s behaving. Reddit had a lot of thoughts — and not all of them lined up. One user didn’t like the husband’s approach to his wife, saying that it is “lacking nuance and respect.” However, the person added: “They both need to recalibrate and approach this from a team to male a new routine instead of getting angry at each other. When you stop working as a team with your partner, you always lose, even if you win that specific argument.”
Others reinforced that the husband is underestimating all the work his wife does at home when he criticizes her napping methods. “Keep in mind OP that while you got to walk away and lock the door, she doesn’t get that option,” someone wrote. “I know you work (crazy hours) but at least at work you can go to the toilet, eat, talk, etc., she’s ‘on’ all the hours she is with a toddler. It’s a really exhausting job which doesn’t admit to any mistakes.”
Others didn’t think he was necessarily TA … until they got the part about moving his bed. “I was vaguely NAH apart from that part lmao,” a user noted. “Parenting sounds really hard and being a team is key, the fact you say you’ve literally moved your bed to another room to make your point is childish as hell and gives away that you probably react equally as childishly to many things.”
One overwhelming consensus?
Many agreed that it sounds like this toddler doesn’t need naps anymore. “My daughter stopped taking naps at almost exactly 2 years old. Suddenly an afternoon nap meant that she would be awake until 11pm or later,” one person pointed out. “I bumped her bedtime up, and instituted a quiet time for 30mins right after lunch to save my sanity and give me a little time for the chores that used to be done during nap time.”
How would you handle this situation? Is there a right answer here?
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