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MIL Wants to Move in After Child is Born, Mom Says No — Whose Side Are You On?

Reddit is divided over a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law dispute. The daughter-in-law took to Reddit’s AITA forum to share a sticky argument she had gotten in over living arrangements.

“I (25F) am pregnant with mine and my husband’s (31M) first child. This kid will be the first grandchild on both sides and everyone is super stoked and ready for him to be born,” she began. “My mom and I have always talked about her coming to stay with me for AT LEAST 3 months after my first child, in order to help me adjust to being a new mom. When I say always I mean we talked about this since I was around 12.”

The Reddit user added that she explained to her husband when they first started dating that it was a “non-negotiable” that her mother stay with her. Here’s where things get tricky.

“While we were telling both our families the good news, it was brought up to my MIL that my mother would be staying with us for over 3 months right after the baby was born,” she wrote. “My MIL then expressed her wish to also be allowed to stay with us right after the baby is born. I told her that after my mom leaves she is more than welcome to come and stay with us, but only AFTER my mom leaves.”

That decision felt “unfair,” the mother-in-law said, and then offered to sleep on the couch.  She also added that, because she’s a teacher, she would only be able to come during the summer when school wasn’t in session — which directly coincides with the Reddit user’s due date.

“I never said she couldn’t come to our city and see him after he was born; just that she couldn’t stay in our house,” the Reddit user noted. “We suggested hotel stays and said that during the day time she was welcome to stay and hangout if I’m up for it. But she has refused and even gone as far as to tell my husband that he is ‘putting her last and choosing other people before her.'”

The couple lives in a three bedroom house, with one bedroom, the nursery and a guest room. “It would also be too many mothers in one house all trying to do ‘what they think is best’ and that’s just not what I need after the birth of my first child,” the user wrote. “She has brought it up almost every time we’ve talked to her and we finally had to tell her there was no changing our minds. She and my husband have now barely spoken to each other and I feel like it’s causing a huge rift between families.”

So, the daughter-in-law wonders, AITA?

Some said no. “You’re going to be the one healing from a major medical event and adjusting not only to new motherhood but also your body after 9 months of growing a whole human,” one person wrote. “You get to decide who is in your space for how long.”

Another added: “If she’s pitching a fit now, and refusing to respect your boundaries by asking the same question over and over again until she gets the answer she wants, it proves you made the right decision. If she’s being difficult now, she’s be hella difficult staying with you.”

Others recommended that no mother stay with the couple after birth.

“Please don’t be tied to this 3 month plan,” a user said. “When you have your baby you may find you actually want to be able to figure it out yourself. You may find your mother is lovely but won’t let you find your feet, or do things your own way, or makes your husband feel pushed out. You may decide you just want to hunker down with the baby and your husband.” One Reddit user suggested that this long-time postpartum plan was all the mom’s doing.

“I know you’ve been planning this since you were 12 but that really sounds like something your mother put into your head at a young age,” the user said. “What 12 year olds sit around thinking about their postpartum plan? You need to make sure your mother allows you to learn a few things on your own and allows your DH to parent, too. “

Where do you land on this debate? Who’s in the right here?

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