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Dad Won’t Allow Child On Playdate With Friend Whose Mom Made ‘Insulting’ Comments. Is That Fair?

So, your kid made a wonderful new friend but their parent … isn’t wonderful.

A father who is holding a grudge against the mother of his son’s friend for her “insulting” comments opened up to Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” column. “My son is in the second grade and started a new school,” the man wrote. “He’s becoming very good friends with ‘Luca’ and they both want playdates and sleepovers. I told Luca’s mom that I’m not interested.”

“She asked me why and I reminded her about a comment she made to me when we first met,” he continued. “My wife teaches medicine at a large university so she can work 12 hours a day. I worked in finance but gave it up to become a full time stay at home dad to our kids. It’s a bit lonely and can be overwhelming yet underwhelming at the same time.”

When Luca’s mother learned what he did for a living, “She started asking insulting questions like if I had plans to go back to work and she’d divorce her husband if he refused to get a job and a man shouldn’t live off his wife,” wrote the dad. “I told her she clearly didn’t understand our situation but it’s fine. I made a promise not to deal with her. Ironically she’s a stay at home mother.”

Now, Luca’s mom is asking to set up a playdate for their children, which the dad declined based on her comments. “…why would I want our kids hanging outside of school?”

Parents may turn down playdates when there is a lack of supervision and safety in another household, but when adult personalities rub each other the wrong way, feelings are more ambiguous and uncomfortable. Reddit saw all sides.

“I wouldn’t want my child around someone who thought poorly of me,” someone remarked. “If she’s willing to say such things to your face I can only imagine what she says behind your back (and possibly within earshot of your child) would be much worse.” Others agreed: “I wouldn’t send my child to the home of anyone I do not get along with” and “The kids can play in school, but you don’t need that toxic behavior around yourself or you son.”

A few raised consequences for the boys. “…Except the kids who are being deprived of friendship by petty drama between their parents,” one wrote. “It was crappy of her to belittle you like that….however, you denying your child because of this is unnecessarily punishing him and his friend. You don’t have to spend time with her or become friends. Drop off your kid and be cordial for the few minutes you have to interact.”

“Luca’s mom is an AH, no question,” wrote another. “But you’re punishing Luca and your son for the fact that Luca’s mom has terrible ideas. Allow Luca over for playdates at yours but don’t allow your son over at theirs. If the mom asks, you can explain why. Don’t punish the kids; provide an example of non-toxic gender politics!”

But someone pushed back: “You’re not keeping your child from playing with Luca at school. You’re just not inviting them into your personal lives. You don’t need to explain it to her.”

And mostly everyone agreed that Luca’s mom needed a lesson in manners. “You don’t have to promote a relationship with the family where the mom is a sexist [and] committed to toxic masculinity and gender stereotypes,” a person wrote. “Period.”

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