Buckle up, everybody — this AITA post is a bumpy ride. A stay-at-home mom took to Reddit to share an experience she had with her husband who, encouraged by a family member, decided to offer her a monthly allowance.
Here’s how it all went down.
“Brother-in-law and sister-in-law came to visit last month,” she wrote. “While here, me and SIL got talking about being SAHMs and the topic of allowances came up. She asked how much I got, and I told her we didn’t do allowances and I had free access to all our money. We talked for a few minutes on that topic, then moved on.”
As a direct result of the conversation, her sister-in-law realized she liked the non-allowance system much better and began “badgering” her husband about it. The panicked brother-in-law, in turn, talked to the Reddit user’s husband and convinced him that allowances were the way to go.
So, the husband started calculating how much money he wanted to pay his wife on a monthly basis.
“My BIL and SIL calculated their allowance by how much my SIL would be making if she still worked, minus childcare fees and the equal percentage she’d have to contribute to rent, utilities etc.,” the Reddit user explained. “I however had our first two while still in school and have never had an official job in relation to my degree so that wasn’t an option for us. During this conversation, it was one of the first time it seemed like my husband didn’t value/understand my contribution to the household.”
Regardless, the Reddit user decided to come up with her monthly fee by calculating the price of local nannies in the area. “By this stage, I could tell my husband knew that his brother was wrong and felt bad about the insinuations made, but I figured since he was so adamant to do this in the first place, why not ‘try it out’?” she wrote. Then, she went out, had a “me” day and spent $1,500.
“To preface, most of the things I bought were needed, a few things for the kids,” she noted. “I got home, showed my husband, and he told me he got what I was saying and was sorry. He cooked dinner that night and spent the rest of the night reassuring me that he valued and understood that I was just as important to the household as he was.”
However, the brother-in-law found out what she had done and called her “petty, spiteful, and a handful of other words.”
“Am I the a**hole?” the user asked the Reddit community.
The consensus from Reddit users was, no, she absolutely was not. “$1500 was much cheaper than a divorce,” one person wrote. “Just adding that studies show a SAHM works 96 hours a week so that is well over 2 full time jobs and would cost over $100K a year to replace with paid labour.”
Another added: “No adult should be receiving an ‘allowance’ from their spouse. Your BIL is a miserly jerk.” Many agreed that the brother-in-law was largely at fault in this situation. “Who cares what BIL thinks,” someone wrote. “He’s just mad his silly ‘allowances’ don’t work. Probably mad his brother is a better husband than him too.”
And then there was the response that really hit the nail on the head.
“If my husband tried to put me on an allowance i would wonder what 1950s hell I’d walked into and why I’d gotten married only to be treated as an inferior partner instead of equal,” a user said.
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