A new mother is struggling with trusting her in-laws to babysit her newborn after a few incidents that hurt the grandmother’s feelings.
The mom, who gave birth two weeks ago, recently consulted Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” forum to explain her problem. “My husband’s parents came over Sunday afternoon and offered to watch him while I took a nap (hubby was at work),” she wrote. “Of course I was so grateful and accepted because I was exhausted.”
She gave her in-laws specific instructions from the pediatrician — due to the baby’s height and weight percentiles, he must be fed every three hours, even if he’s sleeping. “Well, I wake up two hours later and come out to the living room and they’re still just loving on him and all that,” she wrote. “At first I think ‘Oh how sweet! What great grandparents!’ But I look and he’s only had half an ounce of formula out of the 2.5 he’s supposed to have.”
The grandparents didn’t want to wake the baby nor did they change his diaper because, as they said, he hadn’t cried. Babies cry for all sorts of reasons, including when they have a full diaper, they’re tired or uncomfortable, or need soothing.
Although the mom let it go, a few days later tensions flared when her father-in-law got impatient when feeding the baby and her mother-in-law remarked that “she wouldn’t be mean and wake him up like that.”
“Also she made a comment about the stretch marks on my tummy when my shirt came up and asked if my husband had seen them yet,” she wrote.
When the grandparents later offered to babysit, the mom explained that she can’t trust her mother-in-law to care for her baby. “We don’t wait for him to scream to take care of him,” she wrote adding, “There’s no way I’m leaving my baby alone to starve and sit in filth.”
“Apparently I hurt her feelings and questioned her parenting and now I’m the a**hole,” she concluded. “…I probably could’ve worded it differently or just declined without explanation.”
Even so, voted Reddit, the mom wasn’t wrong. “Baby’s needs come before grandmother’s feelings,” wrote a reader. Another reassured the mom, “You are following doctor’s orders. Your MIL and your FIL have been given two chances and have shown what they will and won’t do. Also, your MIL is a know-it-all…”
“Grandma stated plainly she wouldn’t follow what the doctor has advised,” one wrote. “That means she cannot be trusted to care for the child.”
And some commiserated. “Try having a MIL who had been a nurse and was the wife of an OB-GYN,” a user wrote. “She was positive that she knew better than us to the point that she insisted we change pediatricians because ours thought hubby and I were doing a good job.”
“And this is exactly why my MIL is not allowed to watch my baby unsupervised,” someone noted.
And a few demanded to know “Where is your husband in all of this?” and stated, “If anyone has a problem with that then show them the door and make sure your husband is on your side.”
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