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Unemployed Dad Refuses ‘To Be Stuck With Childcare’ & Working Mom Is Upset — Who Is Right?

Should stay-at-home parents send their children to daycare? That’s what one mom asked Reddit after her unemployed partner refused to be “stuck with childcare.”

The exasperated mom turned to Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum for advice after her boyfriend quit his job upon receiving a seven-figure payout and announced his intention to “relax and have fun” instead of caring for their newborn son.

“We had initially planned to send our son to daycare but after hearing about my bf’s plans, I suggested we could save the money and not do so since my bf is going to stay at home anyway,” the mom, who is on maternity leave, wrote on the site. “My boyfriend refused, saying that he intends to relax and have fun now that he no longer needs to work, instead of being stuck with childcare most of the day.”

The couple lives in a wealthy area where infant daycare can cost anywhere between $30K and $40K. “Unlike him, I don’t have such a huge nest egg and [the] savings would go a lot farther for me,” she added. “I explained the same to him and said that if we are still sending our son to daycare, then he should foot the entire bill by himself.”

The father refused and accused his partner of retracting their previous agreement to split finances equally. “However I believe my reasons for doing so are justified as explained before,” she wrote. “We ended up in an argument over the same. So AITA?”

Many on Reddit voted for her partner. “What kind of person receives a seven figure payout and thinks it’s fair to continue splitting finances 50-50 with the mother of their child [and] partner that is significantly less financially secure?” wrote a commenter. “… I would be documenting this immediately, finding a good attorney with experience in custody cases and washing my hands of this man.”

However, a few saw the father’s point. “Wanting to not spend all your days off with your kids is pretty normal,” wrote someone. “At least all the parents I know appreciate breaks. They often use extended family or care-swaps with other parents to do this if they can’t afford daycare. It’s not wanting to spend any time off work with your kids that’s a big problem.” One teacher commented, “… More people than you can imagine have children and expect educators and nannies to raise their children. I mean raise not care for! One of the moms was on maternity leave for 9 months, yet her infant was in my classroom at 6 weeks old. NTA.”

And several said the problem reflected the quality of their relationship. “The problem isn’t that he doesn’t want to take care of his kid all day, the problem is he wants his working wife to pay for it when he has way more resources and no obligations. In this case, childcare isn’t something that’s needed for the child or for the family, it’s something that’s needed for him, so he should pay for it.”

“Demanding equality in a context of huge asymmetric resources is deeply unfair, and punishes the person who has less,” someone added. “This man is not interested in an equitable partnership, and thinks because he has the financial power, he’s entitled to whatever he wants.”

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