If there’s one way to get your wedding guests all riled up and cause a big dramatic bruhaha, it’s to tell them your wedding is child-free. While some folks love child-free weddings, other folks hate them with the passion of a thousand suns and will be loud and proud about it. There’s certainly nothing wrong with asking parents to find a sitter for your big day, and many parents would appreciate a chance to go out without their children, but if you’re planning a child-free wedding, there are certain things you should take into consideration — like trying not to schedule it on your niece’s birthday.
One Reddit user did just that, then took to the ever-popular AITA subreddit to ask the masses for some clarification.
“For our big day, me and my fiancé chose a date (but not the year, luckily) when we got engaged, and it has been meaningful for us,” wrote KweenCupcake. “It is actually my mother’s birthday, so our first call was to my mom to ask her permission, if she would be okay with us having our wedding on her birthday at some point. [To] our delight she was super happy with the idea so that’s that. In addition, one of my sister’s child (8 years old) has her birthday on the same day. So our next call was actually to her to tell her, that we would like to choose that date and the wedding will most likely be child-free because we could never afford to invite everyone. Back then she was like, ‘Yeah, do whatever, you didn’t even have to call to ask.'”
Seems pretty cut and dried at this point, right?
“So now coming back to today, the invitations have been sent and she got hers today,” KweenCupcake wrote. Surprisingly (or not), her sister doesn’t seem to remember the initial conversation and is unhappy. She called and asked, “So I wanted to make sure that the sentence ‘Please leave your children home’ does not extend to your relatives, right?”
To which OP replied, “This extends to all of our invited guests, family and friends alike.”
“But I am your SISTER, why should WE leave them home? Besides, I have promised XY all this time that we will be going to have a great dance party at your wedding for her birthday,” the sister said.
OP reiterated her position and reminded her sister of their previous convo. Sister then said, “You should make an exception because it is HER BIRTHDAY and I promised we will go.”
Now, it bears mentioning that OP is one of 10 siblings and there are a grand total of 30 nieces and nephews, so scheduling a wedding around that many birthdays has got to be tricky. But! If you know it’s a little girl’s birthday, explicitly state that the birthday girl cannot come to your wedding, but expect her parents to come and not spend their daughter’s birthday with her, that might maybe make you the a-hole.
Redditors seem to be split on who, if anyone, is in the wrong here.
“NAH (no assholes here). This has put your sister in quite the bind, having to choose between your wedding or her 8-year-old child’s birthday,” wrote Venetrix2. “Obviously there was some miscommunication when you first discussed this with her, but the situation now is that she has a kid who was looking forward to going to the wedding, and whatever she decides to do she’ll be letting down one of the most important people in her life.”
“Eh, I’m kinda torn on this one, but I think I might have to go with a soft YTA,” said Kazvicious. “Yes, you did ring her before setting the date in stone, BUT you said it will most likely be a child-free wedding which left it open. I do think if you wanted a kid-free wedding, you should have been upfront on that from the very beginning. Also, I really can’t blame your sister if she decides to stay at home with her kid instead, I can’t really see an 8-year old understand why mummy has abandoned her on her bday. Not saying you’re an AH for wanting a kid-free wedding, but you really should have been upfront from the very beginning since you knew this date was your niece’s bday.”
“NTA you called to ask, and got permission. Your sister is TA for backtracking. Exceptions will cause drama with other parents,” wrote Jammy913.
Whatever the outcome, we hope the niece has a kickass birthday and that OP has the wedding of her dreams and that no one walks away with hurt feelings.
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