Finding (and paying for) quality childcare can be a challenge and lots of parents are lucky enough to have family nearby to help out, but one Reddit grandfather is calling BS on his son-in-law and daughter’s selfish childcare plan.
Reddit user AITAThrowaway9832 posted in the popular subreddit Am I The Asshole recently asking if he was out of line for suggesting his daughter and her husband hire a nanny. “My daughter (27F) and son-in-law (30M) currently have two kids (4 and 6). They both have very intensive careers and mentioned that they were struggling with work-life balance,” he wrote. “They were hoping for my wife and I to help pick up the kids from school, help drive them to after-school activities, and basically look over them from the 2:30-5:30 pm time. To give some context, I used to do this for my three kids because I had the more flexible schedule (academia) between my wife and I. However, I also used to work every night from 10 pm to 3 am to make up for that time.”
So, maybe not entirely unreasonable for parents to ask grandparents to provide afterschool care occasionally. But every day? That’s a little heavy-handed. And here’s the kicker, OP and his wife aren’t retired yet! They still work. Every day.
“My wife and I are not retired. I love my grandkids, but I still have many responsibilities. I’m also far too old to consider returning to my schedule from before my kids went to college.” Seems entirely reasonable to us.
“I suggested that they hire a nanny because, as I reflect, that’s what I would do if I were to go back in time. This upset my daughter, which I realize I was a little tactless in that regard. However, I also feel like she is old enough to understand that my schedule when they were growing up was really terrible, and not something I would want her to replicate.”
And this is where it gets even worse. “My son-in-law then got really self-righteous about us not prioritizing the grandkids and had the audacity to even mention the word retirement,” he wrote. “This lack of responsibility for their own kids and the condescending assumption that their time is more valuable than ours really angered me, and we left. Now, I’m wondering if I was out of line with the suggestion, but I feel like that is the solution if they aren’t willing to make other trade-offs with their careers or their personal time.”
Redditors came out en masse to tell this grandfather that he did nothing wrong — except maybe raise an entitled daughter?
“They’re acting entitled to your time in a way that you can’t provide it anymore, and trying to manipulate you emotionally to get what they want,” wrote Jinglehelltv.
“Grandparents are not free babysitters unless they offer and want to be. You have a life outside your kids and their children. You catered your world around them when they were young as you should have. Now that they have flown the coop it is YOUR time to do as you want,” said MinsAino.
And 2n1Spook hit the nail on the proverbial head with their comment: “Your daughter has some serious entitlement going on to think you’d do for HER children what you did for her and her siblings. Your son-in-law needs to take his mouth and shut it. He doesn’t get to tell you anything. You didn’t raise him nor did you marry him. Tell them to be parents like you were and either do it the hard way or get a nanny. The nerve of these grown-ass people acting like you are obligated to provide free — and this is what they want — childcare.”
We’re constantly amazed at the nerve and entitlement of some people. Good on this grandad for standing up for his time. Hopefully daughter and son-in-law offer up a much needed apology.