The decision of where to deliver your baby is sometimes difficult. Those celebrity home births look so lovely to some, while others fear all sorts of worst-case scenarios happening far from a hospital. It’s really not something anyone should take lightly. But is it a decision that dads an non-birthing partners get a say in? One mom and dad are arguing over this very thing.
In a since deleted post on the AITA forum, Redditor Euphoric-Parsley3016, wrote that she and her husband were at odds about the logistics surrounding the upcoming birth of their first child together. “So hubby (38) and I (33) have been trying to have another child for over three years,” she wrote. “He knew going into this what type of birth I wanted (first baby together but not first in our family) and that I wanted to do a more natural approach with a water birth, midwife, etc.”
According to Euphoric-Parsley3016, she’d prefer a home birth, but since the idea makes her husband so uncomfortable, she was willing to compromise on a birthing center that has doctors on staff. This compromise would give her access to medical care while also giving her the natural birth experience she desired. “I mentioned to him how I was excited to be able to contact this clinic and now he has an attitude about how he doesn’t get a say in the birthing plan,” she wrote.
The two can’t seem to get on the same page, and OP feels like she’s already given in enough since it’s her body, so it should be her choice. “We can start talking when it comes to parenting but no, you don’t get a say in the birthing plan,” she wrote. “I told him I don’t have any say in how he treats his body, eats, exercises or not, etc. This is no different.” The mom-to-be finished her post by asking if she was the asshole in this situation.
While the responses varied, the heart of each was that no, OP was not the asshole. “NTA to everything you said,” wrote Friendlily. “Invite him to Google how to be a supportive husband when his wife is giving birth.” Friendlily added that it may be worthwhile for OP to ask her husband why he feels like he needs a say, though. “Maybe he’s scared. I know when the feeling of control is taken away from me, like when something medical is happening to my husband, it makes me anxious and I get upset. I try to hide it from him, but I wonder if your husband is feeling similar and lashing out.”
Enterpursuingabear thinks it’s ridiculous that this was even up for debate within the couple. “My body my choice is absolutely a good enough answer. She is the one going through pregnancy, she is the one going through childbirth,” they said. “We wouldn’t expect a partner to get to make medical choices for the other person above their own wishes any other time so why do we think women should lose their autonomy during pregnancy?”
Another Redditor shared their own experience with childbirth that resulted in an unexpected C-section. “A few months after the birth of our son my husband confided in me that his biggest fear before the birth was that something would go wrong and I and/or our child would die during the birth and there would be nothing he could do to help,” wrote DrDommy. “Give your husband some grace. Yes, you are the one who carries and gives birth to this child, but you are both going to be parents to this child. You are the woman he loves. You both have invested a lot of time trying for another child, and now you are telling him to sit [on] the bench.”
According to statistics, there are a lot of positives to birthing outside of the hospital. Additionally, there are lower chances of common interventions such as induction, episiotomy, and C-sections among them. We get why OP’s husband is scared, and we get why OP wants to give birth on her terms (and fully support her right to do so). We just hope the two can get on the same page soon. After all, this is hardly the last time they’ll have to make a tough decision as parents.