Truth: We are 100 percent on board with partners supporting their pregnant spouses as much as possible. Growing a human being inside one’s belly is a big deal. It can make you exhausted, cranky, dizzy, nauseous, and all kinds of weird things, and mamas-to-be need someone to offer both physical and emotional support during those nine (really 10) crazy months. What we are not on board with? Anyone taking advantage of their partner, and using pregnancy as an excuse to guilt them into being their servant. That is the scenario on a recent Reddit post, and we are super happy to see that the vast majority of commenters agree with us.
User fruitsnackk94 wrote in the AITA subreddit, “My (29M) wife (27F) is 24 weeks pregnant and so far it has been a fairly easy pregnancy (according to her and her doctor, not making assumptions of course). I have done my best to be a good husband. I work full time, started doing all the chores (cooking/cleaning/pet care), and of course try my best to accommodate her cravings. She has been taking it easy and spends most of her day relaxing. She says she’s ‘never felt better.'”
Hooray! This sounds amazing. Healthy mom-to-be, supportive husband, cool beans. But wait…
“Being completely honest, I’m starting to get a little burnt out,” the dad-to-be continued. “I love my wife and want her to be comfortable while pregnant but working full time and doing 100 percent of the chores is very draining. I recently had two separate conversations asking if she’d be willing to do a 80/20 chore split instead, but both times she got offended. She says that it would stress her out and possibly harm the baby, which scared me (I don’t want anything to happen to our baby), so of course I didn’t push it.”
Hmmm. Possibly harm the baby by doing some chores? Unless she’s been advised by a doctor to be on bed rest, this woman should be able to do a lot of things. I mean, Serena Williams won the 2017 Australian Open when she was pregnant with Olympia, and that had to be more taxing that dusting or making dinner.
“Yesterday morning (2am) my wife woke me up and asked me if I could go to the store for fruit snacks,” fruitsnackk94 went on. “She was craving them badly. I have made many late nights runs but this week has been so stressful for me; I worked overtime the entire weekend and a deadline is approaching. I told her I was sorry but I really needed to rest, I was exhausted. She did not like this answer. First she tried to beg more but I kept saying no. This went on for a half hour. Then she started crying and telling me what a shit husband I was being. She also said she’s ‘scared to see me as a father if this is how selfish I am.'”
Oh man, this lady is something else. That is some master manipulation! We’re scared to see how selfish she is as a mother if this is how selfish she is being now.
The dad-to-be admitted he didn’t continue their convo with the nicest tone, but he was really tired and annoyed, which we totally understand. But, of course, his wife did not and kicked him to the couch that night. The rift between them continued and she locked him out of the bedroom the next night, too, and even tattled to her mommy, causing the mother-in-law to text this poor guy and call him as asshole. “They both said the stress I am putting on my wife will hurt the baby so now I feel super guilty,” he concluded.
Well, now we know where his wife gets it from! Dude, you are not the asshole, your wife is. And so, so, so many Reddit commenters agreed.
“NTA. My ex wife was like this,” said Impossible_Town984. “By the time I divorced her I was doing all the chores, paying all the bills, doing all the parenting, and she mostly laid around and took pictures of herself. Totally worth doing some therapy to see if you can salvage things here.” Yesssssss, y’all need marriage counseling stat! Before you bring that little baby into your house, mom and dad need to get on the same page.
Even currently pregnant moms were on this daddy-to-be’s side. “CLEARLY, nta — and you’re getting this from someone up way past her bedtime, and way past her second trimester,” chimed in Dszquphsbnt. “Among other things, but because this is the easiest to call out: Your wife is out of line to think it is your job to run to the store and get her snacks at 2 a.m, fruit or otherwise. I don’t care how many hormonal surges she is dealing with. This isn’t WandaVision, you are not living in a ’50s sitcom. She should anticipate what cravings she might have and ask for reasonable help obtaining them at reasonable hours.” Correct! (Also, we love a WandaVision reference because It. Is. Amazing.)
And as ThankYouOlive points out, “Pregnant women have been working, taking care of houses, families, chores, since the beginning of humankind. I’ve even seen a few drive lmao.” Continuing with TV references, it’s as if the “but females are strong as hell” line from The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt theme song is playing in our subconscious right now.
Dad fruitsnackk94 has been reading and chiming in to many of the comments, so we hope he is getting the message that he is on the right side of this argument. Oh, and in one of his follow up comments, he mentioned that his wife quit her job pretty much as soon as she found out she was pregnant, and he had to take on more hours to make sure they can still pay the bills.
This all makes him seem like such a good guy that there is a cynical voice nagging at the back of our heads wondering if he’s telling the whole truth here. Maybe she does have some complications he hasn’t disclosed? Maybe she’s doing a lot but he wants her to do more? We have seen so many Reddit posts in which the dad doesn’t believe his pregnant wife’s discomfort, that we no longer trust Reddit dads very much. But, for the sake of argument, we’ll try.
In addition to getting some marriage counseling, user 27dayz offered this helpful suggestion: “At the next doctor visit, accompany wife if you can. When the doctor asks if you have any questions, ask, ‘Wife was worried that doing household chores would hurt the baby. Is that true or are there some things that she could still be helping out with?’ Doc will say she can do it all, just avoid heavy lifting, strong cleaning agents, and cat litter. It will embarrass your wife and she will probably still be pissed at you, but both you and her will hear that she can indeed do basic chores. When she calms down, start dividing up chores fairly.”
We’d pay to be a fly on the wall at the OB-GYN’s office during that discussion!
Childbirth is nothing like in the movies, as these beautiful photos show.