Sometimes we wonder how much easier moms’ lives would be if more dads and dads-to-be were forced to sit down and read some books on pregnancy and childrearing. At least one man, who is complaining on Reddit about his wife wanting more help while she’s pregnant with twins, could definitely stand to get a bit more education. He’s in the doghouse for his complaints, but some helpful Redditors have offered him a way out.
“The fact is that she’s been hard to be around and demanding since she got pregnant and wants to be pampered all the time,” Mission_Desk_9302 wrote in a post with the rather triggering title “AITA for telling my friends I think my wife uses her pregnancy as an excuse to get out of things?”
Here’s what the wife, who is four months pregnant with twins, has been trying to get out of: lifting heavy things, working with chemicals (both of which he acknowledges are valid), buying groceries, taking things to UPS, and doing laundry.
“I know that having twins makes a difference but still, from what I read it seems like she’s doing less than is normal, which makes me feel like she isn’t helping as much as she could,” Mission_Desk_9302 said.
The issue, as his title mentions, is that this guy vented his complaints to a group of his friends, and one of them leaked about it to the wife, who was livid and wanted him to “take back” his comments.
“[S]he thinks I am being too hard on her and have no empathy for what she’s experiencing,” he said. “So now this has turned into a fight over whether I’m the asshole for telling the truth instead of biting my tongue to make her feel better.”
Well, you can probably guess how many Redditors called this guy to task for being a big man baby who does not fathom just how exhausting and physically uncomfortable being pregnant can be.
“[Y]ou are in for a rude awakening when she gets further along,” CaptainBasketQueso wrote. “Holy God. At a certain point, and it may not be far from now, gestating twins may be her full-time job. Fuck, just breathing may be a major project some days, because her uterus is going to end up shoved up against her diaphragm. If her pregnancy seems easy and uncomplicated so far, count yourself lucky. Go to the store, buy her some indulgent treats as an apology, and while you’re there, pick up a package of straws so you can suck it up.”
They also mentioned that his complaints now don’t bode well for his future as the father of twins.
“I can’t imagine how bad you’re gonna get when two live babies are in your care,” Pikachinito wrote. “And you think laundry and shopping is hard. God help your wife when those kids come.”
It’s also unfair of this dad-to-be to assume he knows what his wife should be able to handle, several pointed out.
“Your reading about what’s ‘normal’ < your wife’s actual experience,” mm172 chided. “If you genuinely think she’s faking, then talk to her about it, or simply tell her she’ll have to do the thing herself; don’t complain about it behind her back. But unless you catch her doing the stuff she claims she can’t do, I think you need to disabuse yourself of the notion that you or your self-appointed advisors are better informed about what it’s like to go about her daily life in her body right now than she is.”
While agreeing that Mission_Desk_9302 was in the wrong for venting to all his friends the way he did, some readers offered him some helpful advice to make things right.
“Try opening up and being more transparent about how you’re feeling and how you’re struggling with your wife,” humphreybbear wrote. “Don’t tell her what you think she is doing. Don’t be accusatory. This conversation is about you and your needs. Ask her for her advice on how you two can make the situation better. Tackle the problem as a team.”
JadedSlayer had some practical tips on how they might do that: “Talk to your wife and work out some compromises. She can’t do laundry due to smells or standing, then you do the laundry and she folds it. She can’t go grocery shopping, then go on the grocery store’s app or website and she can order curb-side pick-up or delivery. Issues doing dishes, it is time to become like a single guy again and just use paper plates.”
However they resolve this, now is a good time for this couple to figure out their communication issues, because it certainly won’t get easier for them when the babies are born!
Childbirth is nothing like in the movies, as these beautiful photos show.