It’s pretty normal for expecting parents to feel nervous about pregnancy sex, and just as common for them to be hesitant to get it on after having a baby, even when cleared by a doctor. Jamie Otis had the misfortune to experience both of these issues, and she just revealed on Instagram that she and Doug Hehner didn’t have sex for an entire nine months, encompassing the time before and after their second child Hendrix was born.
“This is the day our life & marriage changed … in MANY ways for the better, but our sexual intimacy went straight out the window,” Otis wrote, sharing a photo of herself and Hehner at the doctor’s office when they found out she was pregnant. Because she had experienced miscarriages both before and after having daughter Henley Grace, she was understandably nervous about this pregnancy.
“Bleeding during sex while pregnant is 100% natural,” she wrote. “I know this as a labor and delivery nurse. Yet, after we had sex and I saw blood I panicked.”
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The day the fertility doc told us we were *finally* PREGNANT!🤰🏼🙏🏻 I’ll never forget this day bc we had been trying for our rainbow baby for what seemed like a lifetime when we finally gave up trying on our own & made the appointment with a fertility specialist. I kinda knew going in bc I had taken a couple tests and there were faint lines … but I was in absolute denial & wanted to hear it from a doctor.💯 WE WERE SHOCKED IT WAS REAL! WE WERE DEFINITELY PREGNANT!👶🏼🌈 This is the day our life & marriage changed … in MANY ways for the better, but our sexual intimacy went straight out the window. Bleeding during sex while pregnant is 100% natural. I know this as a labor and delivery nurse. Yet, after we had sex and I saw blood I panicked. I was so careful not to share these fears publicly bc I didn’t want to put any negative energy out into the universe. Doug and I both agreed that we wouldn’t have sex during the first trimester “just in case.” The first sign my pregnancy was wrong with Johnathan was a little blood that eventually turned into a lot of blood and then I lost him. With Doug’s and my third pregnancy I was spotting. The doc said it can be Normal and the baby can survive, but we lost that sweet babe too. Any bleeding during pregnancy – even if rational-me knows it is “normal” – makes me panic. Needless to say, Doug and I didn’t have sex nearly at all during my pregnancy with Hendrix. Then after I had this sweet boy who was 9lb 4oz and ripped me to shreds🥵 the last thing I wanted was ANYTHING near my lady bits. We went over NINE months not having sex. Sex after babies isn’t necessarily always easy & honestly, I was scared of it. BUT WE DID IT!👏🏻😝💗 We have made a vow to each other not to give up on one another. We’re trying to spend more quality time together and re-build our intimacy-not just sexually, but overall. We’re doing it for us *and* for our children.💗
Sex during pregnancy is usually perfectly safe, except in certain cases of an incompetent cervix or other high-risk situations as advised by a doctor. But it’s hard to balance rational scientific knowledge with your gut feelings where pregnancy and children are concerned. So the Married at First Sight alums agreed to refrain from sex during the first trimester. But even after that it seems she still wasn’t ready to be intimate.
“Needless to say, Doug and I didn’t have sex nearly at all during my pregnancy with Hendrix,” she said. “Then after I had this sweet boy who was 9lb 4oz and ripped me to shreds. The last thing I wanted was ANYTHING near my lady bits.”
Last month, Otis talked about how a combination of postpartum depression and a procedure to remove precancerous cells made her put off sex for months after giving birth.
“I don’t feel like having sex, because I’m frickin’ depressed!” she said on the couple’s Hot Marriage, Cool Parents podcast. “I don’t feel sexy. I don’t feel hot. I’m anxious. I’m insecure.”
No one should feel compelled to have sex when they’re not comfortable, but Otis seems to have decided that it was time to get over her anxieties.
“We went over NINE months not having sex,” she wrote on Instagram. “Sex after babies isn’t necessarily always easy & honestly, I was scared of it. BUT WE DID IT!👏🏻😝💗 We have made a vow to each other not to give up on one another. We’re trying to spend more quality time together and re-build our intimacy-not just sexually, but overall.”
Some are going to say this is TMI, but for anyone going through a similar emotional and relationship roller coaster, it’s always good to know that you’re not alone, and that it doesn’t have to be how you feel forever.
These other famous parents have been open about suffering miscarriages.