We cannot overstate the value of having close friends around during pregnancy — especially when there’s no partner in the picture. But one mom-to-be is wondering if her supportive friend is getting just a little too attached to her baby, and it’s creeping her out. To hear the mom tell it, the friend may be planning to take the baby home herself!
Going by the user name boyajoie, the 39-weeks pregnant mama took her dilemma to Reddit, writing, “I’m a single mom, and throughout my pregnancy and getting away from my ex, I’ve had two constant people in my corner, C (22F) and P (26F).”
Boyajoie admits that she initially did not want to keep her child and had told her friends she was considering abortion or adoption before her family convinced her to keep the baby. Meanwhile, her friend is in the opposite boat, experiencing fertility problems.
“For starters, P has been wanting and trying for a child for two years now,” boyajoie wrote. “She’s had a few false hopes and I know it must have been devastating for her. But P also leads a lifestyle that really isn’t for getting pregnant. She is a heavy smoker and drinks often. … I know when I found out I was pregnant, she was both conflicted and happy for me. P was lovely and helped me a lot.”
But lately, P’s enthusiasm for the baby has become a bit much for her. She shared the baby’s gender on Facebook in a way that indicated she was expecting a boy, and didn’t dissuade people when they congratulated her. She’s also been texting boyajoie things like, “How’s our baby?” and, “It’s August xx! Is my baby boy doing okay?” P also suggested she accompany her friend in the delivery room, which boyajoie did not want to do, since her own mother will be there.
The mom-to-be is so uncomfortable at this point, that she’s tempted to cut off contact with her friend.
“I’m trying not to be paranoid or take things dramatically, but I feel so robbed despite not wanting to sever the friendship,” she wrote.
By “take things dramatically,” we honestly wonder if she fears that P is planning on turning all those references to “my baby boy” into a reality, even though she hasn’t said so outright. Even if she doesn’t think her friend will go that far, she’s not happy with this behavior, and she 100 percent has the right to want it to stop.
Reddit users have more than a few suggestions for how she might try to resolve this issue.
A few went to the extreme, worrying how far P might take things.
“If she can’t back off now, I can’t imagine that it’ll be any better down the road,” ManicInnkeeper wrote. “I could see an outcome anywhere from her trying to parent him without being asked, all the way to kidnapping (which sounds crazy, and is an absolute worst case scenario, but these things do happen).”
Many questioned whether boyajoie had really ever had a clear conversation with P to tell her how uncomfortable she was making her feel. In a comment, boyajoie said that she had mentioned something vaguely in a group chat, without addressing P directly.
“Though OP’s [original poster’s] friend is a bit overzealous, it’s not clear whether she’s just excited or if she’s giving off ‘I’m-gonna-kidnap-your-baby’ Lifetime movie vibes because OP hasn’t talked to her yet!” ceehercee observed. “Now isn’t the time to be passive, especially about your child. Have an honest, candid convo with P and lay down boundaries. If she can’t respect them, then do what’s best for you and your child. Stand up for yourself and your little one.”
Others urged a bit more compassion for P, especially given her apparent fertility issues.
“I think you need to have an honest talk with your friend and tell her that your mom will be the only one in the delivery room with you and that when you are ready for visitors, you will let her know, but you are not ready to commit to a lot of people surrounding you right after you give birth,” SquidOs said. “Try to be kind about it. She’s struggling with not being able to have a baby, but that doesn’t mean she gets to impose herself on you.”
Finally, we’d like to call attention to the thoughts of someone who has dealt with fertility issues herself.
“She’s definitely over the top, yes, but you acknowledged how supportive she has been for you all along,” FurNFeatherMom wrote. “When my BFF had her children, I was neck deep in infertility hell and I tried to be as involved as I could because I love my friend, love her children, and wanted to be a part of something so very special. It sounds like your friend is probably trying to do the same, just not very gracefully. YTA big time to contemplate just ditching her without talking to her first.”
Emotions are no doubt running high for both of these women. A good calm sit-down is in order, and perhaps boyajoie can rehearse some of these comments to use for herself.
For the friends who are invested in your kids, here’s a list of ethical toy brands for all those upcoming birthday presents.