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Ali Fedotowsky-Manno Says Her Grief After a Miscarriage Was ‘Shocking’

Even when you know that miscarriages are actually quite common, suffering through one can be devastating, as Ali Fedotowsky-Manno just discovered. The Bachelorette star-turned-TV-correspondent revealed on Instagram Tuesday that she recently miscarried. Because her own feeling of loss took her by surprise, she decided to share it with her followers.

“It happened early one morning when I had intense cramping,” wrote Fedotowsky-Manno, who has a 4-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son, from the car after a follow-up OB-GYN appointment. “I passed the gestational sac — which was the size of a plum — in my bedroom. I was in complete shock when it happened. I sat and stared at it for hours — not able to fully comprehend what happened. And the utter exhaustion that took over my body in the few days after that was almost debilitating.”

According to the March of Dimes, about 10-15 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage — and that number may be higher when you take into account the people who miscarry without ever knowing they were pregnant. (A miscarriage is a pregnancy loss before the 20th week; while a loss after that point is categorized as a stillbirth.)

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I am 1 in 4. I don’t really know what to say here. I’m sitting in my car, using talk to text & I’m just gonna speak from my heart. I had a miscarriage recently (I’m at the OBGYN right now for a follow up). I’m not sharing this bc I feel sorry for myself or I want others to tell me they feel sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for myself. I feel sad for what could’ve been. Sad for the baby that was growing inside me. Sad because it’s sad. I want to share this because I think it’s important. I’m so uplifted and encouraged by the way I’m seeing social media change. Change from being a place where everyone shares the highlights of their life and now being a place where people share the good & the bad – the smiles & the tears. ❤️ It’s such a long story of how it all happened. I’m not ready to fully talk about it and I honestly don’t know if I ever will be. (CONTENT WARNING – this may be difficult to read. Especially for those who have experienced a pregnancy loss) It happened early one morning when I had intense cramping. I passed the gestational sac – which was the size of a plum – in my bedroom. I was in complete shock when it happened. I sat and stared at it for hours – not able to fully comprehend what happened. And the utter exhaustion that took over my body in the few days after that was almost debilitating. Actually, being completely exhausted for weeks was one of the first signs that I was pregnant. 🌸 I’m writing this post to let others know who have experienced pregnancy loss know that I see you & feel you. We all go through different emotions & process the loss differently. I know that my loss is not the same as someone who’s had a stillbirth or lost a baby at 20 weeks. Or someone who has been trying to conceive for years. But what I found so shocking about my experience is that it affected me so much harder than I could have imagined. So know that if you’re going or have gone through this, your feelings are valid – whatever they may be❤️ With love, Ali #miscarriage #

A post shared by Ali Manno (Fedotowsky) (@alifedotowsky) on

Even though that’s a pretty high number, it wasn’t until recently that people began sharing more openly about their pregnancy loss. In doing so, they help others that come after them know that they’re not alone, and that having a miscarriage isn’t their fault. Fedotowsky-Manno said she wants to be a part of that effort.

“I’m not sharing this bc I feel sorry for myself or I want others to tell me they feel sorry for me,” she explained. “I don’t feel sorry for myself. I feel sad for what could’ve been. Sad for the baby that was growing inside me. Sad because it’s sad. I want to share this because I think it’s important. I’m so uplifted and encouraged by the way I’m seeing social media change. Change from being a place where everyone shares the highlights of their life and now being a place where people share the good & the bad — the smiles & the tears.”

Knowing something intellectually and experiencing it for yourself are two very different things, she has found out.

“What I found so shocking about my experience is that it affected me so much harder than I could have imagined,” she concluded. “So know that if you’re going or have gone through this, your feelings are valid, whatever they may be.”

If you or someone you know has experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or death of an infant, visit Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support to find local support groups and other resources to help cope through this difficult time.

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