When two people welcome a new baby into the world, they have to do a lot of work figuring out their division of labor, negotiating who does the feeding, who gets up in the middle of the night, and, of course, who changes the diapers. One new dad-to-be seems to be getting off to a bad start on all this, as his girlfriend took to Reddit to share that he’s declared he won’t change his daughter’s diapers. His reasoning is, well, worrisome.
“[M]y (20F) boyfriend (26M) told me he will never change our daughter’s diaper after she’s born because to him it’s plain weird, and only a mother should change her daughter’s diapers, same way that if we had a son he wouldn’t let me change our son’s diapers,” HeyMissWondress wrote in the Pregnant subreddit.
“Plain weird”?!? The mom-to-be said she plans to breastfeed, which means she is in for a lot of work on her own there, and she thinks her boyfriend is being lazy. He has, at least, conceded that he can change the baby’s diapers in an emergency.
“Pretty sure he’d change his mind if you had a son and he had to change all the diapers,” Statler17 replied.
“So is he also never going to give her a bath, dress her, potty train her, or help her get changed if she has an accident?” Taurithilwen asked. “Are you going to be there 100% of the time, or is he planning on leaving her in dirty diapers for hours? Going to work or leaving the house shouldn’t constitute an emergency. He needs to get over this body phobia so he can be a parent.”
Redditor knifewrenchhh said that this is a red flag for how he’ll be as a father from now on: “He’s planting seeds now to try to avoid all kinds of responsibilities later. Shut this down now before it gets out of control.”
For many reading this, “lazy” seems like the best-case scenario, and they worried there is a deeper underlying problem.
“Why the hell is he sexualizing his child??” saltyhotwing wanted to know.
“I’d take this a bit more serious than some may,” paprikapree wrote. “I don’t find it lazy on his part. He [has] got outright inappropriate, unhealthy approach on this. … I’d stay cautious and alert just in case until I get clarification from a GP, social worker, midwife, doula and/or therapist how to best handle his approach, if this could be any sign of anything, if they could prepare me for possibilities in advance.”
It is absolutely not normal to see children’s bodies as sexual, and some redditors raised serious concerns about his future relationship with his daughter.
“As someone who has dealt with sexual abuse as a child, you should really keep an eye on him and your daughter. This is not a normal concern at all on his part,” lavalampdreams wrote.
We sincerely hope this is just the case of a dad trying to get out of cleaning up poop. Which, in the grand scheme of duties one has as a parent, is actually on the pleasant end of things. Excrement aside, it is a moment in which you look your child in the eyes and show them you are there to care for them and make them comfortable and safe in the world. No one should want to miss out on that.