Maybe it’s because we know Chrissy Teigen and John Legend live in luxury, enjoying multiple homes and vacationing on yachts. Maybe it’s because we love to know that all other parents experience the same surprises we do. There is just something so entertaining and comforting about the tweets Teigen and Legend posted about son Miles’ poop gift to them. (Warning, do not read this post while eating.)
“Miles just said his longest sentence yet!” Teigen bragged on Sunday. “Mommy I need you to move, please” ijhfudsfdkujodif (twitter doubles as my baby book).”
We’ll allow that cuteness to settle in for about as long as she did before adding, “He also took a poop log straight out of his butt and put it onto the coffee table yesterday. John can confirm!!!!!”
he also took a poop log straight out of his butt and put it onto the coffee table yesterday. John can confirm!!!!!
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) July 12, 2020
Yep, that sounds like a 2-year-old, all right. They’re constantly surprising us with new skills while also basically behaving like wild animals we’ve allowed into our homes for some reason. It’s at this stage in a child’s life that parents usually decide that Sigmund Freud’s observations were spot on, at least when it comes to naming 18 months to 3 years as the “anal stage” of development. Many of Teigen’s followers confirmed this as well, with other gross tales of toddlers’ poop behavior: painting walls with poop, hiding poop in drawers, and turning their little logs into submarines in the bathtub.
We’re saving the best part of this thread for last. It’s Legend reporting his reaction to Miles’ stunt.
“Facts. All facts,” he responded to his wife’s tweet. “I also picked it up with my bare hand and took it to the toilet because I give up.”
i also picked it up with my bare hand and took it to the toilet because i give up
It is very disappointing to learn that there is no known video in existence of calm, cool, voice of our generation John Legend seeing his son’s log of poop on the table and deciding to take swift action with complete disregard for his own gag reflex and personal safety. Or of him completely freaking out and doing that without thinking.
When a Twitter user asked if they took a picture of this, Teigen responded, “We did not. We didn’t want to embarrass him, so I only decided to tell 13 million people.”
Will Teigen and Legend one day reveal to Miles and Luna just how much of their childhood antics they shared with the world? We can only hope that we’ll be able to witness something of that reaction too.
Let us now erase this whole image from our minds a replace it with some from these beautiful children’s books by Black authors.