Guys. IDK if quarantine is turning us all cuckoo bananas or what, but that headline pretty much says it all. One mom-to-be took to Reddit’s Am I the Asshole (AITA) forum this week to ask, essentially: Why am I getting shamed for not wanting to name my baby after the baby my ex fathered with his mistress — a pregnancy she then, tragically, miscarried?
Umm. There is a hell of a lot to unpack in there, but we’re pretty confident in saying right off the bat that no, this poor woman is not the asshole. Under no circumstance does the dude who impregnated you and then immediately impregnated someone else get to even pick your kid’s name at all, let alone insist you name it after another pregnancy (one that was a result of his leaving you), however tragic the loss. But let’s hear more of this OP’s story.
“My ex broke up with me January this year,” she writes on Reddit. “Saying he had feelings for his Coworker but had not acted on them yet. A few weeks later, Coworker posted that she had miscarried, Ex was the father, and they had gotten engaged. A couple weeks after that I realized I was pregnant. It’s Ex’s. I decided to keep it and informed Ex. He asked for 50/50 custody, which I’ve agreed to. I’m currently at 6 months.”
She goes on to explain that her ex and his coworker are still engaged, and that the woman is “nice enough” and has “apologized profusely.” Well thank goodness for that.
“Coworker seems alright,” the OP continues, “and it’s Ex I’m mad at because he’s lied to both of us, but I’m willing to coparent with Ex because regardless of my own feelings he is legally entitled to his child and I don’t want to be one of those coparents who talks shit about the other one.” Honestly, bless this woman for being the bigger person and putting her kid first, regardless of her feelings towards her ex. It’s an attitude every co-parent should take — but far too many don’t.
So everyone is getting along admirably despite it all and they’re going to move forward with the kid’s best interests in mind, right? Oh, no. It only goes downhill from there.
The OP explains that her ex and his now-fiancée “had picked out names” before the fiancée miscarried. “They want to use these names for my baby,” she adds. “They’ve provided a first and middle name for both a boy or a girl, and all the names are sentimental. They’ve said they want these exact names and aren’t willing to let me pick any… Then they basically said there’s 2 of them and 1 of me so I’m outvoted.”
Oh. Hell. No.
Of course, the commenters are right there with us in being livid about this couple’s — completely unfounded, unwarranted, and also not based in any sort of legal rights — “instructions.”
Who the fuck says that the woman giving birth is “outvoted” on baby names??? What the heck did I just read https://t.co/xcaNPQ7lJP
— Alex (@BlairAprElliot) April 27, 2020
I feel for this woman and I hope she gets more than 50/50 custody because fuck that guy https://t.co/ZIDtbppuUY
— 🌸 (@aquapaths) April 27, 2020
This is so crazy, I can’t deal. https://t.co/wxJhQoXwQM
— Caitlin (@cej1989) April 26, 2020
Luckily, the Reddit folks did have some sound advice for this OP — including that she seriously needs a legally binding custody agreement, stat. And they’re absolutely in agreement that this woman is in no way The Asshole.
We’re right there with the commenter who wrote: “Omg this post made me so angry. You are not the asshole. They are so far over the line of assholeness that they can’t even see the line, they’ve never seen it, they can’t even comprehend it exists. It’s your body, you’re giving birth to this child. They are effectively leaving you a single parent. Do you think for a second that they would even have anything to do with you or this child if they had had their baby? Hell no.”
But still, even with her ex and his fiance reeking of assholeness, the OP is (again, bless her) going to proceed with civility, so that her child doesn’t have to bear the aftermath of what she calls a “scorched earth” approach.
“I appreciate everyone’s advice but I have to operate on the basis that Ex and Coworker will see through the engagement, spend the rest of their lives together, and will both be in my child’s life at least until that child is an adult,” she concludes her post. “That means being civil. I can put in boundaries, which I am doing, but I cannot go scorched earth because that is not going to be good for my child.”
Damn. We have so much respect for this woman, and yet would not trade places with her for the world. Here’s to putting those boundaries — including the legally binding ones — in place and sticking to them.