Plenty of LGBTQ parents have a hard enough time as it is — having a baby through adoption, surrogacy, or IVF is no small task. And for one lesbian couple who thought they were finally going to have a child of their own, there was one (big, unexpected) catch. When one of the women reached out to her brother to ask if he’d donate his sperm, he agreed — but would only go through with the process if the couple “repays the favor” by carrying his and his wife’s babies. Wait…what?
In a cringe-worthy AITA (Am I the asshole) Reddit post, the sister-in-law (who would be the one carrying said surrogate baby to term) asked users what they thought of their situation.
“We were considering adoption when my wife suggested asking her older brother to donate sperm to us. I know this sounds batshit crazy but they’re siblings, so they look a lot alike and they’re really close, and this is the closest we could possibly get to having a child that’s biologically both of ours. The brother said he’d be willing to donate when we’re ready and can’t wait to be an uncle,” she wrote.
But the brother “renegotiated” their previous agreement, when he found out his wife can’t have kids. “He and his wife want 3 kids, me and my wife want 2. He wants me to go through 5 pregnancies, and he’ll provide the sperm for each one, so biologically all 5 kids will be full siblings, but raised as cousins,” she explains.
Ultimately, the OP hits the nail on the head as to why her end of the bargain isn’t fair at all: While this dude would be spending an hour (if that) “creating” these babies, she’s spending more than four years (“not including recovery time,” she adds).
Plus, the lesbian couple is more than happy to adopt, but the brother and his wife want biological kids. He even told his mother (who told their extended family) about the situation — and they think the wives are hypocrites. Yikes.
Moral of the story? “My wife and I are going back to adoption as our preferred route in the hopes that this will stop any further tension,” the OP concludes. In conclusion: No, she’s not the asshole!
If you’re interested in surrogacy, here are celebrities who had kids using a surrogate.