Douchebag alert: Tanner Tolbert has needs, y’all, and he wants you to know about them. The former Bachelor contestant visited his fellow Bachelor pal Nick Viall’s podcast, The Viall Files, to chat about family life with wife Jade Roper (yup, also a Bachelor alum). And Tolbert proceeded to whine and moan about his sex life all of four weeks after the birth of his second child with Roper, a son who came unexpectedly and was born in their walk-in closet in an emergency situation.
The scoop: The poor woman’s water broke early, and within an hour and 15 minutes, Roper found herself a new mom for a second time around — an abrupt experience she’s shared on social media quite eloquently: “It was one of the scariest moments of my life because I felt so out of control, but Tanner, Tanner’s mom, my mom and the medics and firefighters kept me going when I felt like the world was caving in on me and my unborn baby.”
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I gave birth at home last night accidentally, in our master closet. I’ve been still processing the shock of this all, as this was not all at what I had planned, but I am so so thankful for each person who helped bring our son into the world safely. I’ll share my whole birth story soon, but long story short, my waters broke and 75 minutes later I gave birth to our healthy baby boy while clutching a bench in our closet. It was one of the scariest moments of my life because I felt so out of control, but Tanner, Tanner’s mom, my mom and the medics and firefighters kept me going when I felt like the world was caving in on me and my unborn baby. Y I was going to share the happy, cute Instagrammable pics first, but this felt right to me. So incredibly grateful for the support system we had and for this beautiful boy I get to hold in my arms.
But that wasn’t Tolbert’s focus on Viall’s podcast, oh, no no no. Instead of praising his wife’s strength and honoring her need to let her poor shredded lady vessel heal, he publicly moped and pouted about the dearth of nookie in his life.
In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, Tanner, can you just not? When Viall asked Tolbert how romance is in their marriage (now featuring two kids), Tolbert scoffed, “What romance?” Ugh. What a prince.
Tolbert didn’t stop there. He spilled all the tea to Viall about his sex life with the mother of his children, complaining that their relationship has “changed completely” since they had their firstborn, a daughter, Emmy. He told Viall he definitely wants more sex now than ever before but Roper, well, not so much. Gee, what a shocker. We’re stunned, dude. Why she wouldn’t want your insistent little penis jabbing at the most ouchy, vulnerable part of her body after a traumatic surprise birth in a closet, well, wow — what a mystery.
Tolbert spared no detail when it came to his sex complaints, apparently having no sense of what a PR nightmare he was rapidly creating for his publicist. He said that their sex life “took a dive [when Jade began breastfeeding Emmy] and then pretty much right after the breastfeeding stopped, we got pregnant again with Brooks. And now he’s here and we have two kids. It is tough.” Tolbert continued, “I feel like I’ve begged for it. And I don’t want to feel selfish — I hate asking, I hate trying, ’cause I don’t want it to be pity sex.”
Oh, don’t worry, Tolbert, no one here is pitying you in the least. Like, not even a smidge. All of our pity is going to your poor wife and her vagina, both of whom really deserve better right now.
As one follower commented on this post of Tolbert’s, “Four weeks? It takes two to make babies mate. Stop the blame game and give her a break.”
Twitter ain’t happy with Tolbert either.
— 👸🏼 BACHELOR BITCH 👸🏼 (@BachelorBlTCH) August 28, 2019
Yo tanner. Your wife just had a baby in her closet. No meds and you’re mad about waiting to have sex until she’s completely healed?! Man, that’s insane!
— Jennifer (@Jennifermoneto) August 29, 2019
Amen. Go to the gym, Tanner, and shut the hell up. Your wife is a goddess, period.