A man recently posted this question on Reddit about his bride-to-be wanting his gay son to go back in the closet: “WIBTA [would I be the asshole] if I called off my wedding because my fiancee does not want my son to bring his boyfriend to the wedding?”
You really have to read the entire question and scenario to believe it. Have a chaser ready, because it’s gonna leave a bad taste in your mouth, guaranteed:
To recap, for those who hate fine print: This groom-to-be has always supported his son, despite being just a 15-year-old teen dad himself when his son arrived on the scene. This is a good man, people.
Now this groom-to-be owns a gym and works with his son at said gym. His son came out to him at the age of 14. Son is 22 now and has a boyfriend he’s been with for four years. This dad has no problem whatsoever with his son loving whomever he loves. Did we mention we really like this guy?
But groom-to-be is engaged to a woman who is suddenly — out of nowhere — demanding that his son’s boyfriend stay away from their wedding. In fact, his fiancée is insisting that his gay son un-gay himself for the Big Day, just so her parents aren’t offended. When groom-to-be said this was unacceptable, bride-to-be shut him down with the silent treatment.
We have a reply, too:
Dear Reddit Groom, you most certainly would not be the asshole in this situation. There is one asshole here, and I can assure you, it is not you. Nor is it your son, or his boyfriend. The only asshole here is your bride-to-be, who owes you a massive, groveling apology — and quick, because the clock’s a-ticking, and she’s the one who stands to lose a wonderful partner.
Reddit Groom Who WNBTA, here’s the thing: You’ve clearly worked your tail off to make things right for and with your boy, even though you were just a boy when he was born. This alone is commendable. Your relationship with him is woven into every aspect of your life, from your childhood to your daily work life. He clearly trusts you and respects you deeply — he came out to you at an early age — and the feeling is obviously mutual. He’s been with the same partner for four years, so I’m assuming you’ve made that partner feel welcome and respected as well. Well freaking done, sir.
You are doing everything right when it comes to your son. I implore you: Do not stop now. Do not let this woman in your life rain poison down on the relationship you are likely most proud of. It’s not worth it. I’ll repeat that for those in the back: It’s not worth it. It’s never worth it.
I am writing this as the mother of a gay daughter, and as someone who remarried. There are always bumps and hiccups in a blended family. But your bride-to-be is doing a cheer squad routine with a massive red flag right now. Stop. Heed the flag.
You are not the asshole here. She is out of line. Way, way out of line. You are not marrying her parents; your son is not marrying her parents. In fact, her parents are welcome to not attend the wedding. They are welcome to have “a complete fit” in the comfort of their own living room, far, far away from your happy day.
This wedding is about your new blended family loving each other for exactly who you all are — and you have proven that you already know how to do that well. She, my friend, needs remedial lessons. But I’m not sure she’s humble enough to admit that she’s wrong.
When my now-husband and I were planning our wedding, he knew my daughter was gay. We decided to have the reception at the house, in the front yard, so all the kids could run loose and have a blast. We shied away from an Orthodox church (he was raised Serbian Orthodox), because we knew it would likely make my daughter feel uncomfortable.
A few weeks before the wedding, my now-husband suggested one wedding decor note with a huge smile: “Let’s put up a big rainbow flag over the house!” My friend, that flag is still waving there today — a little tattered, a little torn, but there’s no mistaking where our household stands on LGBTQ+ love. And I love my husband all the more for it.
And I think my kids love him all the more for it, too.
Your bride-to-be is completely out of line. She is suggesting — nay, demanding — that your son invalidate his identity to make her life more convenient. She is demanding that he dump his partner for the wedding for her own sense of relief. Is that a woman you can really see yourself with in five, ten years? If this is the best honeymoon version of her, what comes next?
If you go through with this wedding on her terms, you risk driving a terrible wedge between you and your son (and his love). I cannot imagine that, considering all you have been through with him, marrying this woman would be worth that.
Leave this for her to read. Let her know we’re all quite sure she’s the asshole in this situation, and that she needs to make amends fast — to you, your son, and his partner, if she expects to call you her husband. Know this, friend: If this is how she treats your son before you’re married, don’t expect her behavior to improve after the wedding.