Amy Schumer is our queen of comedy, baby comedy, and now, quarantine comedy. In fact, in the running for the award (yes, we made this award up in our heads) for “best mom moment ever” are both her amazing and hilarious pregnancy pics as well as her postpartum/parenting/social distancing photos so far.
Comedian and actor Amy Schumer gave birth on Sunday, May 5, 2019, to her first child, Gene, with husband Chris Fischer (after a crash visit to the Met Gala red carpet on the way to the hospital, no less).
And as usual, Schumer is pulling no punches when it comes to telling the real story. Her maternity posts were a freaking delight, so we suspected we were in for a major treat when the baby arrived. But nothing could have prepared us for the top-shelf, completely candid, deliciously relatable posts she’s given her fans about new motherhood. We are stanning so hard.
Here are our top Schumer mom moments so far.
Her quarantine dance while Gene wears a face bowl
As every parent knows, you can’t let your kid’s awkward antics disturb a good boogie.
Her True Mom Confession regarding her son’s questionable name
It takes balls to admit you accidentally named your kid Genital Fissure. Er, that is, Gene Attell Fischer.
Her adorable social-distancing visit to Grandpa
Even badasses like Schumer know how to follow the rules for the greater good of humanity! And she’s teaching Gene that there are still safe ways to say hi to gramps.
Her commitment to Mom Fashion (or, Grey Gardens fashion? TBD)
Remember when you would put makeup on and cute clothes to go stroll your neighborhood in case you met somebody you knew — or, you know, somebody attractive you didn’t know yet — along the way? LOL neither do we, Mamas. Neither do we — and neither does Schumer. Here’s to embracing the frump and the comfort of #momlife.
Her pool cuddle
Amy knows an ultimate truth of parenthood: You’ve got to get your cuddles when you can, because it all goes way too fast.
Her sneaky unseen baby pic
Before 2019 came to a close, Schumer shared a never-before-seen pic of baby Gene just moments after his birth. How did she sneak this past people? By tossing it in with her end-of-year Top Nine collage on Instagram. In the photo, both parents have their hands on just-born Gene.
Her humor in the face of shamers
Schumer posted a pumping photo and wrote that she was “sending out love to the moms shaming me for doing standup last night!” Because, of course, how dare a new mom do anything that’s not baby-centric, right? Ugh.
Her honesty about going back to work
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5 months today and like all moms I love him so much it hurts. Im feeling strong and good and like I’m still a human being with interests and ambitions and goals I’m excited to reach. It’s felt good to be back at work. I was so worried about it and was afraid to go back after he was 3 months old. A couple days I’ve cried from missing him. But it’s mostly good to be back and the breaks energize me to be a better mom and appreciate our time even more. I have it a lot easier than many people but I wanted to share my experience. 🥰 what was your going back to work experience?
On baby Gene’s 5-month birthday, Schumer penned an honest post about the mixed feelings that come with being a working parent. “A couple days I’ve cried from missing him,” she wrote. “But it’s mostly good to be back and the breaks energize me to be a better mom.” We’re right there with you, Amy.
Her clapback on how she’d “cope” with her son’s potential autism
When a commenter on this beautiful photo post said, “I’d like to see a documentary of you discovering your mate is diagnosed with autism and how you cope with the possibility that your child will be on the spectrum,” Schumer was having none of it.
She responded back in the best way: “How I cope? I don’t see being on the spectrum as a negative thing. My husband is my favorite person I’ve ever met. He’s kind, hilarious, interesting and talented and I admire him. Am I supposed to hope my son isn’t like that? I will pay attention and try to provide him with the tools he needs to overcome whatever challenges come up like all parents. I’d be disappointed if he liked The Big Bang Theory and NASCAR, not if he has ASD.”
The way she is embracing her post-baby body
Schumer is proud of her “warm soft” and “strong” new form, as she noted in one of her comments on this post.
Her postpartum stroll… in mesh panties
Because hospital underwear are versatile, comfortable, breathable and perfect for a warm walk.
Her newborn-shit-is-bananas glamour shot
I mean, has every new mom been there or… has every new mom been right there?
Her party-pumps #OOTD pic
Schumer captioned this one “Guys what are we doing tonight?” and make no mistake: There’s no one we’d rather pump-club it up with. Pretty sure Vanderpump Rules‘ Stassi Schroeder, whom Schumer tagged in the post, agrees.
Her “royal baby” birth photo
The “royal baby” jest, of course, is poking fun at the fact that she and Meghan Markle — the Duchess of Sussex — shared almost the exact same pregnancy timeline.
Her MILF-alert shot
Schumer also posted a “MILF alert” on Instagram, an awesomely real hospital shot of a very disheveled her — on a toilet, hooked up to an IV in the background — while an adoring squad member cradles baby Gene.
Her women warriors post
But she’s not just being funny. Schumer wrote a fierce and heartfelt post about her takeaway from the birth experience: that women are “warriors.” Her words were powerful and honest to the core:
“Ok here’s my post baby annoying post and my takeaway from pregnancy. Women are the shit. Men are cool and whatever but women are fucking warriors and capable of anything.”
She also praised her doula and acknowledged her privilege in having one:
“I was lucky enough to get to have a doula. Her name @domino_kirke@carriagehousebirth. What do doulas do? I don’t totally know. But what she did was make me and Chris feel totally secure and supported throughout my pregnancy and the birth process. I really recommend getting one if you can.”
And Schumer was not one to forget her medical team and the “strong women” who helped her through her hyperemesis gravidarum (severe morning sickness, the same condition that plagued Kate Middleton throughout all three of her pregnancies). She also gave a shoutout to Every Mother Counts as a place to donate toward midwives’ supplies for moms and babies in Guatemala:
“Doctor Brill and all the nurses and pediatricians at Lenox Hill and all the other hospitals i spent time in this year, thank you for everything. I did Pilates with strong women and went for walks. I threw up violently and felt sick mostly every day of my pregnancy. Hyperemesis is real and it’s awful. But fuck, what they say is true. The second you give birth it’s gone. @hgmoms@thelordjones@everymomcounts
She signed off in classic Schumer style: “#titsleaking#wearingadiaper.” And we wouldn’t have it any other way.
A version of this story was originally published in May 2019.
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