Ben Affleck is not beyond brutal aesthetic coercion when it comes to persuading his kids to love the Patriots like he does. Affleck designed a Patriots-themed room for his son — one that Jennifer Garner called “creepy.” (We’re a little freaked out, honestly, and maybe hope he’s got a therapy jar for his kid.)
The actor and longtime New England Patriots fan appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Thursday night. Kimmel extended congrats to Affleck on yet another Super Bowl win (*yawn*) by the Patriots. Yes, that would be six Super Bowl wins.
“You know, what happens is you get used to a thing like that, not to rub it in,” Affleck laughed about his hometown sports teams’ recent performances (including the Boston Red Sox’s World Series win).
Affleck, however, expressed deep concern over his son’s indifference to the world of Boston and New England sports.
“The game before … the World Series game, I took my kids to the game,” the actor told Kimmel. “On the way to the game, I was kind of giving my kids a pep talk — my kids are 13, 10 and 6, about to be 7 — and I was telling my 6-year-old, my son in particular, you know, ‘We’re really excited because we’re from Boston and this is a big deal and the Red Sox —’ and I’m giving him the whole history,” Affleck explained.
“And he listens to me and then he stops and goes, ‘Dad. You’re from Boston. I’m from LA,’” Affleck said. “And I had a full existential crisis. ‘I failed. I’m a bad father. This is a disaster. I don’t know what to do!’“
Affleck shares three children with his ex-wife, actor Jennifer Garner: Violet, Seraphina and Samuel.
“There’s a certain sort of tragic pain that you carry with you as a person from Boston that you expect to imbue to your children that they’re gonna carry on,” Affleck said, “like we suffer through the cold and the misery and lose big sporting events.”
Affleck decided it was time for drastic action.
“I tell you what, I was going to put an end to that,” Affleck said. “Because once my son starts telling me, ‘I’m from LA,’ I know some guys — a lot of guys from Boston in LA — who do work in the trades, that kind of thing, trying to make it out here. So I got the New England discount — got some friends that were painters, carpenters, that kind of thing — to do a little work in my son’s room and help him understand where he comes from. If not literally, then spiritually.”
“If not literally, then spiritually.” Okey-doke, Affleck. He then showed Kimmel what he did to his son’s room:
Why, yes, he is force-feeding decor to poor Samuel with a new room decked out with over-the-top Patriots merch. There’s a massive football slide, a life-size poster of quarterback Tom Brady and — the pièce de résistance — a chair shaped like Tom Brady’s head. Can’t make it up.
“My ex-wife thinks it’s creepy,” Affleck said. (Um, you think?)
“It is creepy,” Kimmel agreed.
“I think it’s appropriate for grown men to make totems and idols out of other grown men,” Affleck said to defend himself.
“So what you did is, once your son indicated that maybe he’d be interested in rooting for the teams that he grew up around, you decided to attack him with interior decorating,” Kimmel retorted.
“That’s what we do with our children!” Affleck replied. “We take our neuroses and we put it on them … If this [clip] is still on YouTube by the time my son’s in therapy, he can just show them the show — ‘Do I have to say anymore? This is my dad.’“
Affleck added that he had sent a photo of the room to Brady.
“He was very nice. He sent my son a football and a jersey — signed,” Affleck said.
Ben Affleck, you are canceled. We do not approve of force-decorating children’s rooms.