‘Baby Shark’ Is Charting on Billboard — Perhaps It’s the Apocalypse

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a parent will be familiar — and likely fed up — with the song “Baby Shark.” It streams from tablets and TVs seemingly all day. And now, “Baby Shark” just took the No. 32 slot on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Yes, folks: The apocalypse may well be nigh.

But just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, it turns out the creators have also developed “Valentine’s Day Sharks,” a seasonal spin on “Baby Shark” — and yes, it sounds… just like every other incarnation of the toddler tune. (“Valentine’s Day Sharks” isn’t actually new; it’s from 2017, but with this new Billboard ruckus — and the holiday quickly approaching — it’s seeing a resurgence.)

So, what do kids love about this little jingle? Well, it’s repetitive and catchy. Annoyingly catchy. The video is also full of cute, colorful characters that kids love and parents are sick of — you get the picture.

As for the Valentine’s Day version, things begin the same, with the ever-intellectual lyrics: “Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo/Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo/Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo/Baby shark.” The song then goes through the usual list of suspects — Mommy, Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa Shark — but before moving on, we see each shark hold up a Valentine they made for someone special. The biggest change happens right after Grandpa Shark sings his lines because, instead of going hunting, the sharks sing about love. Specifically, Baby Shark sings a few lines from the “Skidamarink” song: “I love you in the morning/And in the afternoon/ I love you in the evening/And Happy Valentine’s sharks!”

So if you really love your child and/or just enjoy pain and suffering, check out this Billboard-charting seasonal jam and feel miserable and hip all at the same time. But be warned: It will be stuck in your head. Possibly forever.

Oh, and if your kiddo has somehow managed to avoid the Shark craze until now, 1) bless you and 2) proceed with caution. Your life will never be the same.

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