The arrival of the Duchess of Cambridge aka Kate Middleton and Prince William’s baby is imminent, and I don’t know what you’re doing with your spare time, but I’ve certainly been busy speculating about what they’ll name baby No. 3.
Apparently, this means I’m in the good company of Jimmy Kimmel, who dedicated his latest segment of “Lie Witness News” to convincing strangers on the street that the royal couple had picked some seriously, uh, unique names for Prince George and Princess Charlotte’s little brother or sister.
“What did you think of the name Treacle T. Winterbottom?” one woman was asked. She enthusiastically responded, “Treacle T is a good way to be! Baby T!” (We’re all entitled to our own opinions.)
Another fake royal baby name floated by Kimmel & Co. was Dumbledore Cumberbatch. To his credit, the man they asked about that one didn’t beat around the bush when he described the name as “really weird” and “not fit for a royal baby.” But hey, we trust his judgment — there was no need to bolster his argument by claiming everyone else he’d talked to agreed it was “weird” and they didn’t like it.
Others included Vermouth McGillicutty and Humperdinck Patchybottom, but my personal favorite was Thomas — a perfectly normal name unless the royal couple opted to use a doughnut emoji in place of an “o.” The unfazed pedestrian had a theory about this nonexistent choice: William and Kate are trying to be more hip in order to keep up with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.
Peculiar names aside, the most mind-blowing aspect of this segment was that so many people believed the royal baby had already been born. But I guess not everybody is like me and anxiously checks his or her newsfeed each morning for the latest.
Meanwhile, the bookies are taking this topic way more seriously than Kimmel is. According to these experts, Alice is the frontrunner at 4 – 1 odds, with Mary taking second place at 9 – 2. With no disrespect to Kimmel, both those lovely names beat the hell out of Thomas with a doughnut emoji.