Speidi has spawned. After what seemed like a three-year gestation period, the infamous reality TV couple from The Hills finally have their baby — Gunner Stone, who arrived on Oct. 1 (Yes, they named their son Gunner on the day of the Las Vegas mass shooting. So there’s that.)
Pratt told Us Weekly that he heard one of the hospital doctors refer to Gunner as “a superbaby.” Because it’s not like Pratt was busy doing anything else during Gunner’s birth; it’s not like he was scurrying around the delivery room with $27,000 worth of crystals or anything. Just kidding, he totally was. “He’s running in, putting these huge crystals all over,” Montag explained to Us. “It was mayhem!” Sounds like it.
Montag also explained to Us, “Gunner has been on my top names since before Spencer even agreed to have kids. We went back and forth, but it just seemed like the best fit.” Well, then. Papa Pratt posted their exclusive Us Weekly cover as a trio on his Instagram as soon as humanly possible, of course. As did Mama Montag — and Gunner’s own personal Instagram account. Yep, that exists already.
“He’ll probably be a pitcher, so when Gunner steps to the mound, he’s going to be gunning those throws down home plate,” Pratt told Us Weekly. “If he wants to be a skier, he’s going to be gunning down those moguls. It just applies to a lot of sports.”
No pressure, Gunner, but we’d start hitting the gym pretty quickly if we were you. Hope you don’t blow out your ACL by pre-K.
You may think we’re kidding, but alas, Spencer continued to the magazine, “You’re not a good parent if you’re not trying to get your son set up to potentially get a $250 million gig. If doctors were getting paid $250 million, we’d hit the books hard, but currently that’s not the reality.”
You heard it here, folks.
Bet you think that was all Pratt Daddy had to say on the topic of his newborn. Nope! Papa has even decided which arm he wants his son to pitch with. “Probably baseball, a left-handed pitcher. I only want him to work a few days for $30 million or so. As cool as an NFL quarterback would be, it would just be hard for me to watch people smash my son and not run onto the field and smash them.”
You may also recall that Speidi’s nemesis from The Hills, Lauren Conrad, beat them to the punch by birthing a baby boy, Liam, in July. “Hopefully they’re on rival sports teams. That’s what I’m looking forward to,” says Pratt, who really, really needs to expand his hobbies.
But back to Mama. For years — uh, months — Heidi has been living the pregnancy high life on Instagram, and we’re fully expecting a steady stream of postpartum photos to kick in any day now. Given the epic nature of Montag’s maternity shots, Gunner has big Instagram shoes to fill.
The classic tree mermaid pregnancy pic, right? Heidi captioned it, “I can’t believe I was just pregnant! @gunnerpratt wanted to come early! Pregnancy was such a blessing! Now I have my angel!”
As mentioned, Gunner already has his own Instagram account with more followers than any of us will ever have in this lifetime: 285,000 and counting. For real.
Good luck, Gunner. We’re rooting for you, on and off the field. And we kind of hope you become a sports-loathing artist with massive earlobe plugs and a hatred of crystals. Because that would be fun to watch.