Sweden Welcomes a Brand-New Royal Baby — but Is It a Prince or Princess?

Because let’s face it, there is no birth announcement like a royal birth announcement. We can literally hear the trumpets and the roar of a corseted, gauntleted crowd waving hankies and throwing posies at the palace gates.

Where hath a new royal sprung up on a velvet cushion this time? Not our beloved England. This time, the parents in question are Prince Carl Philip and Princess Sofia of Sweden — the land that gave us Ikea and its Dagstorp sofas, Flärdfull scented candles, lingonberry jam and cheap hot dogs. Sweden also regularly serves up obscenely good-looking cross-country skiers with cheekbones that could slice off a finger. So don’t be stupid. No going to Sweden and touching any skiers’ face bones. Bad idea.

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Here’s the official birth announcement: “The Office of The Marshal of the Realm is delighted to announce that HRH Princess Sofia gave birth to a healthy child Thursday the 31st August 2017 at 11:24 a.m. at Danderyd Hospital. Both mother and child are in good health.” said a statement released by the Office of the Marshal of the Realm

The haughty meanies at the office declined to share the wee newborn’s name or gender, probably because they are still busy selecting a name from the latest Ikea catalog. So that could take a while, we’re thinking.

Prince Carl Philip and Princess Sofia announced the pregnancy back in March via a Facebook statement (if that’s not modern royalty, we don’t know what is).

“We are pleased to announce that we are expecting a child, a sibling of Prince Alexander,” some nice translator translated for us. “We look forward to welcoming a new member of our family.”

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Princess Sofia, if you didn’t know, was also a model. And she’s loving motherhood according to the Scandinavian journalists who work at Sweden’s Svensk Dam magazine. “Being a mother is amazing. It changes your whole life,” Princess Sofia said, as small woodland creatures descended upon her shoulders bearing buttercups and vintage blue and gold satin ribbons. OK, we made that part up. But you can totally picture it.

Prince Alexander, is “very sweet and well-behaved” according to the princess and a mixture of both her and her husband. We are pretty sure this foursome is actually a Disney movie, but don’t tell anybody — especially not the Office of the Marshall of the Realm — because an entire country believes the royal family is totally real, and we should let Sweden have that.

We’ll always have their meatballs. And a Dagstorp to weep on when we wish we had our own royals other than the Kardashians.