Kevin Payne of Cortlandt Manor, New York, should hire himself out to poor sleepless parents and their inconsolable babies. This father of two has got the magic touch. And by “magic touch,” we mean that listening to him describe his job is a sleeping potion so potent, SWAT teams should keep him on staff to neutralize the most agitated bad guys.
Payne recently posted a hilarious video of himself holding his 5-month-old son, Carter, and telling Carter all about what daddy does for a living.
Carter, as it turns out, was less than enthralled with the details of his dad’s job as a technology resiliency manager. (We would tell you what a technology resiliency manager is if we could, but we fell asleep too.)
“Hey bud,” Payne starts out. “So I wanted to take a few minutes just to explain to you what I do for a living. It’s really quite exciting.”
Within moments, Carter’s head starts to bob and his eyes begin to close.
“Hey, Hey,” Panye protests. “It’s not that boring. It’s not that boring.”
(Oh, but it is.)
Apparently Payne — who also has a daughter, Addy, 3 — leaves the run-of-the-mill bedtime stories to his wife, Eryn.
He told Us Weekly: “Eryn takes the more traditional route as she was blessed with a voice that doesn’t cause others to wince in pain.”
Payne defends his bedtime career talks. “With two kids who are not good sleepers you try anything that will work and repeat it until it loses effectiveness!”
Our favorite part?
“If you work hard enough, you too can work on weekends,” Payne tells his somnolescent son.
We laughed pretty hard at that. And then we all took a very long nap.