There’s someone out there who has lived through our most terrible yoga fear — and she’s happy to tell us all about it to great comedic effect.
Mum on the Run blogger Laura Mazza has never shied away from discussing motherhood’s most absurd and appalling moments, like pooping during childbirth (oh, come on, like you didn’t).
This latest cringe-until-you-get-a-whole-body-cramp event happened in her yoga class… and her 40,000 Facebook followers cannot get enough of the hilarious details.
We’ll just drop this here. We highly recommend reading the whole gory tale. We also recommend peeing before you do.
This fart heard ’round the world occurred on July 19, and the story has garnered almost 10,000 comments and has been shared more than 10,000 times.
In summary: Mazza — mom to Luca, 3, and Sofia, 16 months — has been trying to get in some semblance of postpartum shape after pregnancy-related abdominal wall separation.
“My stomach kinda points out like a cone,” she said. “[I]t was suggested by a [doctor] to try yoga.”
At first, the candlelit yoga class was going well for Mazza. But then her stomach decided it was not on board with Downward Dog.
“For the past few weeks I have had IBS symptoms like something crazy,’” Mazza said. “My farts stink like something mixed between a rotten egg and an incineration plant. And somewhere between the dolphin position and the three legged dog, two of those burning garbage eggs slip out and I fart. I farted. I farted at yoga. I’m a walking cliche. My pelvic floor has failed me,” she recounted in the Facebook post.
Mazza did what all of us would do: She bolted from the class, not even bothering to roll up her yoga mat.
“I’m never ever ever EVER, doing yoga again,” she wrote. “Fuck the muscle separation.”
We. Are. Crying.