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Hey, Maybe Don’t Take Parenting Advice From Reddit, OK?

Baby won’t sleep? Here’s a swell idea: Maybe go on Reddit and create a motorized baby bouncer using rubber bands and the heavy whirring paddle attachment of a kitchen mixer!

And by “swell,” we mean totally bat-shit crazy, of course.

Yes, a parenting life hack involving a baby bouncer, rubber bands or string and a KitchenAid mixer was created by some daft soul to provide white noise and lull their infant to sleep with motion. Even though actual safe things have been created for babies that do these things.

Can’t make this stuff up. A GIF tells the whole story.
A-yup. Just when you thought you’d seen it all.

Fortunately, there are still plenty of sane humans in the world who were more than happy to point out the engineering flaws and potential dangers of this crazy contraption. Readers on Reddit pounced with wise observations.

  1. If the baby got wiggly, the bouncer could tip backward — right into the mixer’s whirring beater attachment.
  2. The bands/fabric attaching mixer to bouncer could get tangled in the gears or attachment and pull the baby closer to the zooming paddle.
  3. Rubber bands could easily snap and slingshot into the baby’s eyeballs or face. Fun times!

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“Not to be a downer but someone should tell these people how f**king dangerous that is,” one commenter said. “When (not if) that piece of cloth catches, it will dump the baby into the mixing paddle where an arm or leg will likely catch, spinning the baby around in the mixer until baby dies or someone stops the mixer, whichever happens first.

“If you don’t believe me, look up the multitude of videos on youtube of industrial accidents involving spinning equipment like lathes. One piece of fabric or hair gets caught and you’re hamburger within 5 seconds, no joke. I have worked on my own KitchenAid mixer, they’re powerful machines and while it might not break an adult arm or leg, it would make quick work of a baby.

“This video to me is similar to dangling a baby off a 10 story balcony for sh**s and giggles.”

Other readers were more amused than alarmed, but also cautioned against this setup: “I could see the baby getting pulled toward it as it catches and getting whacked in the head by the paddle but getting any arm or leg into it is wildly improbable.”

Improbable or not, there are other ways to soothe a fussy baby, people. And BTW, babies really shouldn’t be plopped in bouncers to sleep for long periods of time. In 2015, 3-month-old Leia-Mai Smith died after being left to sleep in her baby bouncer while her mom fell asleep nearby on the sofa.

So, you guys, let’s err on the side of caution when it comes to babies. Keep that mixer on the kitchen counter, and keep those rubber bands in the junk drawer, m’kay? There are other ways, we promise.

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