Hey, ladies! Here’s a pop quiz for you:
You suspect you might be pregnant. The first thing you do is:
- Buy an over-the-counter pregnancy test.
- Make an appointment with your OB-GYN.
- Get a plate out of the cupboard. Fetch some white toothpaste from the bathroom. (If you don’t have white toothpaste, go to the drugstore and buy some first.) Squeeze toothpaste on plate. Once you’ve got your dollop of white toothpaste on a plate, add a little bit of your own urine. Then wait to see if it changes color and gets kind of frothy-looking. If it does, congratulations! You may — or may not — be pregnant!
If you chose 1 or 2, congratulations! You are a sane human being. If you chose 3, please, for the love of God, explain yourself. No, really. We are a little worried about you and would be totally happy to buy you a home pregnancy test if you have fallen on hard times.
We tried to figure out where this strange trend got its start (we blame you, internet — it’s always your fault when people do things like pee on piles of toothpaste to make life-changing decisions). The U.K.’s Sun newspaper reported on the trend, so maybe it’s a British thing. But somehow, we can’t imagine Kate Middleton squatting over a china tea saucer tinkling royal wee-wee onto Colgate to find out if she’s expecting the next possible heir to the throne. I mean, we can imagine it in that alternate reality kind of way, but it gives us no joy whatsoever.
Thankfully, a spokesman for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, Professor Mark Kilby, was on hand to remind women that toothpaste may not be the most scientific method of determining pregnancy.
He told The Sun: “When women become pregnant, their bodies begin to produce the hormone human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG). HCG can be detected in a woman’s urine by a pregnancy test. There is no evidence that toothpaste can detect HCG in a woman’s urine, and women should not rely on DIY methods to confirm if they are pregnant or not.”
Well said, professor. Thank you for science-ing with us.
But what if you’re a crafty, DIY-type with a Pinterest board called “Fun and Major Life Decisions With Toothpaste,” and you just can’t resist?
You’re in luck! Apparently there’s quite a market for DIY pregnancy tests for those on limited budgets. The website Negative Pregnancy Test has all kinds of advice for those looking to toothpaste their way to inexpensive family planning.
So if you’re curious, by all means, check out the website — and let us know your findings, would you? Because now we are really, really, really fascinated.
Again: No scientific studies have been carried out to test the “Toothpaste, Tell Me If I’m Knocked Up” theory. Like, not even one. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.