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Laura Prepon is pregnant, is tailed by calorie counters at Sundance

Laura Prepon is expecting her first child with fiancé Ben Foster. The Orange Is the New Black actress “showed off her baby bump” at the rollicking Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah, on Monday, reported Us Weekly.

More: Laura Prepon and Ben Foster are engaged, y’all

Really, Us Weekly? Did she “show off” her baby bump, that showy, showy-pants pregnant peacock? Like a new Givenchy belt? Or Jimmy Choos?

Or was it, maybe, you know, PART OF HER ANATOMY? Food for thought, Us Weekly, food for thought.

And speaking of food! Those total and complete strangers — uh, eyewitnesses — bless them, they were really on it, breathlessly relaying that Prepon “avoided alcohol and was drinking only water” at the IMDb Lounge at Sundance.

What? That was only Monday’s liquid intake? Damn. If only we knew about Sunday night…

What? We do? Thanks, Pregnancy Meal Police at Sundance: “… on Sunday night [Prepon] was spotted enjoying pizza while again skipping the alcohol.”

What. A. Relief.

More: Laura Prepon thanks Scientology for a very nice health benefit

I don’t know about you, but when I was knocked up, there was nothing I liked better than having “eyewitnesses” trailing me and keeping Weight Watchers diaries of every liquid, solid and gas I gobbled down with my big, fat pregnant mouth.

So sorry, Laura, about the guys in trenchcoats wanking off in the shadows (probably) while you try to eat and stay hydrated like a normal human being. And congratulations. Here’s to many more months of your dietary habits being considered public fodder.

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