Parenting ain’t easy, which is exactly why things like wine, chocolate and Twitter were invented. From refereeing board games to constantly happening upon naked children, check out this week’s funniest tweets from parents. Then pour yourself a glass of wine, will ya? You deserve it.
1. Just eating dinner
What I say: Eat the whole thing.
What my kid hears: Eat the whole thing in one bite. Gag. Spit it out. End of dinner. Go play with cars.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 31, 2016
2. Same diff
Every threat I make after Halloween ends like this, "…OR I'M GONNA THROW ALL YOUR CANDY IN THE TRASH!" But, of course, I mean eat it.
— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) November 1, 2016
3. Fun times
If you like having people touching you while you work, eat, sleep, and try to pee, then kids are definitely the answer.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) October 30, 2016
4. The muddier, the better
Take the road less traveled. Like, the one with the most mud, or the wettest grass, even if there’s a sidewalk nearby.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) October 31, 2016
5. Seriously, where are they?
wife [showing me pictures she took of the kids at the dinosaur park]
me: Where are the pictures of the dinosaurs?
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 31, 2016
6. You know you’re a parent when…
OH SHIT WE NEED TO LEAVE FOR SOCCER IN 5 MINUTES & YOU'RE NAKED EXCEPT FOR ONE SOCK
– every parent everywhere on Saturday mornings
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) October 29, 2016
7. Part of the job
I am not refereeing Candy Land! I do not care who picked Princess Frostine's card!
-soundtrack to my life
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) November 1, 2016
8. Just… no
My mom sent me to the beach in the bed of my neighbor's truck. I just saw a mom get shamed for not using organic cloth diapers, 2016 is fun.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 30, 2016
9. Hardest. Thing. Ever.
If you think taking candy from a baby is easy, you've never endured the wrath of a resulting three hour temper tantrum.
— Twin Dad (@TwinSurvivalist) October 30, 2016
10. Really, it’s the same thing
Me: What do you want for breakfast?
Me: Too much sugar. You need this healthy-
*reads back of cereal box*
Me: Just eat candy.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) November 1, 2016