7 ways Donald Trump is exactly like a toddler
Update, Dec. 1, 2016, 10 a.m. PST: Now that he's our president-elect, Donald Trump continues to behave like a kid in need of a timeout. In this Daily Show segment, Trevor Noah echoes our suspicions that Trump has a toddler brain.
Donald Trump is a 70-year-old reality TV star and the current presidential nominee for the Republican party, but you'd never know it by examining some of his behavior. The Donald is known for his brash arrogance, his inability to control his temper and his tendency to stretch the truth to get himself out of sticky situations. In other words, he acts exactly like a child.
Moms especially recognize Trump's toddler-like behavior because it's something we deal with from our kids each and every day. He may be vying for four years in the White House, but sometimes it seems like he's more suited for a bounce house. There are seven ways the next potential leader of the free world acts like he's actually coping with the terrible twos.
1. He lives in fantasyland
Toddlerhood is a magical time filled with imaginary friends, the tooth fairy and make-believe. Toddlers live in their own world, and they don't have time for anyone who challenges their version of reality. Donald Trump knows a thing or two about that. After all, he's convinced that he has a better temperament than Hillary Clinton, thinks it's "smart" to dodge your income taxes and actually believes he won the first presidential debate.
2. His main problem-solving strategy is throwing a tantrum
It's not unusual to spot a cranky 3-year-old writhing and screaming on the dirty Target floor because their mom won't let them buy their 87th stuffed animal. Trump may not end up on the ground in a big-box store very often, but he's certainly known for going full-toddler in his frequent Twitter rants that take aim at everything from "Crooked Hillary" to the "lying" mainstream media. Imagine a giant, angry baby rolling around on the floor of a mansion with a smartphone in hand. That's basically Trump these days.
3. He interrupts people constantly
It's a truth universally acknowledged that a toddler will think of 11,000 things they need to tell you right this second any time you so much as attempt to speak with another adult. Donald Trump is exactly like that, except he's about a hundred times more disruptive. Trump interrupted Hillary Clinton an astonishing 51 times during their first presidential debate, and 26 of those interruptions came in the first 25 minutes of the event. Suddenly, a 2-year-old scream-singing the Daniel Tiger theme song while you're on the phone with Comcast doesn't sound so bad.
4. He tells long-winded stories that make absolutely no sense
We've all been there. Your toddler says they need to tell you something, and before you know it, you've been sitting there for 35 minutes listening to incoherent rambling punctuated by the occasional "and then... and then..." That's exactly how it felt listening to Trump at the first debate. When asked if he'd accept the outcome of the election even if he lost, Trump said, "The other day, we were deporting 800 people — perhaps they passed the wrong button or it was corruption — these people, we were going to deport for good reason ended up becoming citizens. And it was 800, and now it turns out it might be 1800, and they don't even know." Um, what? I'd much rather listen to a preschooler talk about PAW Patrol, thanks.
5. He lies to get himself out of trouble
A toddler will douse the dining room table in neon-pink finger paint and then try to blame it on the dog. A Trump will tweet that climate change is a hoax and then lie about it to try to make himself look good. Trump is the king of bullshitting, but unfortunately for him, saying "it wasn't me" stops being an acceptable way to avoid trouble as soon as you're old enough to have more than three candles on your birthday cake.
6. He says ridiculously mean things
Kids say the darnedest things, and pretty much every mom has had a child point out her soft, flabby tummy or ask why she has so many gray hairs. The difference is, most toddlers don't know any better. Trump is endlessly cruel, calling women " fat pigs" and spouting off racist stereotypes, and he most certainly knows exactly what he's saying. Call me crazy, but if anyone's going to comment on my jiggly thighs, I'd much rather have it be an innocent toddler than a Trump.
7. He has no idea how to be president of the United States
Imagine a 3-year-old in a diaper pounding his hand on the presidential podium, yelling, screaming, ranting and name-calling. It's absolutely hysterical... until you put that baby in a suit and add a shock of fluffy hair. Then you realize the only thing separating Trump from a little kid is expensive clothing and a considerable height difference, and that's a scary thought when you're considering a possible future occupant of the Oval Office.
Originally published October 2016. Updated December 2016.