Wake, care for kids, cook, clean, sleep (a little), repeat. Being a parent can be exhausting. Yes, it’s magical and rewarding as heck, but man, sometimes you just need a break. Or at the very least, a laugh. That’s where we come in.
From broken toy drama to the nightmare that is parsley, here are this week’s funniest tweets from parents. We won’t tell the kids that you’re laughing.
1. The ultimate birth control
At a recent appointment the doctor asked me and the wife if we had a birth control plan; my response was, "Yeah, 2 kids!"
— Mike Cruse (@PapaPreaches) September 28, 2016
2. It’s how you say it
Being a mom means saying things that shouldn't be threatening in a very threatening manner. Like, "EAT YOUR CEREAL!" for example.
— 💀Mummy Curses💀 (@mommy_cusses) September 27, 2016
3. Let’s just lay it out there
Confession time: my floor wasn't mopped before I had kids either.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 28, 2016
4. These go to 11
Not to brag or anything, but the volume of my daughter's temper tantrum just went all the way up to 11.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) September 28, 2016
5. Pretty much
The scene where Elizabeth Bennet reads outdoors while beautiful piano music plays, but it's me in my house on my phone while my kids scream.
— ⚪️Ash (an female)⚪️ (@adult_mom) September 28, 2016
6. Hold the parsley, Mom
I never knew that parsley had the power to destroy someone's life, but six leaves of it in my kid's rice has taught me otherwise.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) September 28, 2016
7. They’ve got stamina
Parent Tip: don't tell your child "I'm waiting, I can wait all day if I have to" unless you've actually cleared your schedule for the day.
— TheAlexNevil Files (@TheAlexNevil) September 28, 2016
I bet none of these kids even know it is I, the middle-aged mom, who owns the Pokemon gym at the school.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) September 27, 2016
[somebody drops mic, walks off]
[parent picks up mic, puts it away]
– The Cycle of Life
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 27, 2016
10. Every. Single. Time.
6yo: This toy is mine – yours is the broken one!
Mommy: *Fixes broken one
6yo: You fixed it? Y'know what? I think that one is actually mine.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 28, 2016