1. Monday morning
I am home with a sick child so you will likely not receive a timely response from me today. If this is urgent, please call or text me. Otherwise, I will do my best to catch up tomorrow.
2. Monday evening
To Whom It May Concern:
Thank you for your message! I’m away from my email right now. We are taking our son to the doctor to see if maybe he has something that can be magically cured with an antibiotic or something.
3. Tuesday morning
I am away from my email while my husband and I fight in front of our kids about who “gets” to work and who will take care of the children. We will also touch upon why I am unable to stop making him feel guilty and why he is unable to read my mind about what house-related tasks I need him to do and when.
4. Tuesday afternoon
I’m away from my email right now and can’t respond in a timely manner. My kid is still home sick with me. He’s not sick-sick the way he was yesterday, but just sick enough to have to stay home from day care. Here’s hoping he takes a five-hour nap.
5. Wednesday through Friday
Sorry, but I am never going to respond to your email. Our other kid is now sick.
See you in hell,