Celebrity baby news continues to interest people. There’s something particularly engrossing about watching a celebrity you love (or love to hate) go from ethereal screen being to actual human person when she’s got a growing bump or a screaming toddler out in public. But what can you do when the crowds are hungry for celebrity reproductive news, but people just aren’t getting knocked up quickly enough?
Speculate. Speculate wildly. Take Eva Mendes and Blake Lively, for example. Both actresses are expecting new babies! Probably. We think. Despite neither one of these women or, as far as we know, their publicists confirming or announcing their pregnancies, US Weekly has confirmed (!) with multiple sources (!) that both ladies are in the family way.
The best part is the photos the tabloid outlet is using to prove that these two women are about to be moms again. Did they get their invitation to Mendes’ baby shower? Did Lively text them a picture of a positive pregnancy test? Did the PR teams of either women reach out to them and say, “Hey guys, Eva Mendes and Blake Lively are pregnant! Opa!”?
The proof of both Mendes and Lively’s pregnancies is their tendency of late to wear empire waist dresses or wrap sweaters and towels around their middles and seek privacy from paparazzo, which is always absolute proof of pregnancy. It makes the most sense, when you think about it; They’re hiding their baby bumps, not taking advantage of being so filthy f*cking rich that they can wear designer dresses with varying waistlines or hoping to grab some bananas in peace.
It is a fact that stealthy fetuses are often known to hide under huge sweaters; ask any nosy Aunt Myrtle at a family reunion, who wants to know why you’re not having any wine, dear, and should you be lifting that and thank God because you’re not getting any younger, you know.
Of course, there are other explanations for putting your tummy on covert mode or wearing a forgiving dress or not having wine or puking. Explanations like menstrual bloating; or nurturing a food baby because you went to Denny’s last night after getting really drunk and ordered a Grand Slam; or not having wine because after last night you’re never drinking again; or puking because could everyone just shut up about wine?
It’s possible that both Lively and Mendes are pregnant. It might even be probable — after the birth of her daughter, James, Lively was pretty candid about wanting a big family. Mendes can mix her fantastic genes up with Ryan Gosling’s fantastic genes as many times as she wants to, as long as she keeps giving the resulting babies gorgeous classical names, like Esmerelda. Or even if she doesn’t. We’re not the boss of anyone’s uterus.
All we’re saying is that it’s tedious to have your reproductive organs speculated about as a normal person, so we can’t even imagine the level of annoyed you would have to be as a celebrity when people play a very public game of is-she-or-isn’t-she with the organ attached to your actual vagina. Even if they hit upon a correct answer.
If Eva Mendes and Blake Lively are pregnant, great for them! Mazel tov, ladies!
But like most women, we’d imagine they would prefer to announce their respective pregnancies on their own terms, especially if the bumps they’ve been secreting away like Smeagol’s Precious are the result of a little bloating or a bout of constipation.
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