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Why I sometimes still struggle with being a stay at home mom

Bilna Sandeep

More women are these days quitting their day jobs to be SAHMs. I’m one of them: I quit my job almost an year ago, when my baby boy was around 7 months. It was purely my choice to be a full-time mom. I wanted to experience the world with him, to see him grow — every day, every moment.

Being a SAHM is not an easy decision for all. For me it was feasible only because my husband had a job that could support our family, and I was confident enough to take that career break. I even wrote about ways to keep up with my career until I decide to jump back in.

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From the day I made up my mind to quit my career to be a full-time mom, I have been full of energy. I wanted to be that best mom to my son. I wanted to do it all for him. Days and months have gone by, and we are a happy little family of three; however, there are those days when I think otherwise. Here I am being totally frank. I’ve known many SAHMs who have gone through the same phase. There are some days I doubt my abilities as a mom. There are even days I question myself, if my decision to stay at home was right for my son and my family.

Now my boy is 2 1/2 years old. Once in a while, I meet up with a few moms who have kids of a similar age, and I see theirs are far more independent than mine. There are those moments I wonder if I have gone wrong? My son needs me most of the time. He needs to have a glimpse of me around and panics a little when I am not. What have I done? Was I being an overprotective mom for the past two years?

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One of the moms I met recently asked me, “What all does your son do?” I said, “Excuse me, what you mean? I mean he does things like… er, I am not sure of your question.”

“Have you potty trained him already? My son he tells me almost every time he needs to go!”

Oh, yes, that’s a proud moment for every parent. I replied, “Well, I don’t put him in diapers at home except for his nighttime sleep. I have to take him to the toilet at set intervals though. He never tells me. I just presume and take him.”

“Well, my kid’s day care was too good. They potty trained him.”

“Oh, OK. That’s good for him.”

“What about him, how many nursery rhymes has he learned already?” she asked.

“Er… he… he hasn’t yet started to talk properly yet. He just says a very few words, and the rest is blabbing… he identifies every object.”

“Oh! Have you considered taking him to a specialist?”

“No, my pediatrician tells me not to worry. Most kids at nuclear homes who do not go to a play group or day care have a similar issue. He will improve once we start him in a day care or preschool. I’ve just started to send him to a play group for a few hours now, and I see him getting better. “

The conversation about all the kid stuff continued for a few more minutes. By the end, I worried, Am I doing it right as a SAHM? If I continued to work, he would have been at a day care and would have had lots of playtime with kids and would have learned so many skills already.

To the SAHMs reading this, if you are facing a similar situation, there really is no need to worry. Our kids are just kids. Cuddle with them when you have the time. There are these moments of regret, sure. But how many times have you counted your blessings? There are good and bad days.

If you could afford to stay home for your kids, you are among the lucky few who gets to snuggle with your little ones the moment they wake up. You are the one lucky enough to see their first smiles every passing day. You can see them anytime you want to, see them grow every single day. Your love is not bound by any schedule. You can choose to stay awake for the whole night when your kids get sick.

Enjoy every moment you get to spend with your kids. Cherish them for a lifetime. They will grow up, and when they start school, they will catch up. They, too, will become smarter. Remember, every kid grows at different pace. You just need to support them and give them all your love.

If you’re a working mom who’s reading this, there’s nothing to worry about there, either. You are a proud mom who earns for your family. You are strong enough to support your kids both emotionally and financially. Give them all your time when you can. Set aside some time every day after work for them. They will cherish those precious moments spent with you. Take all the chances you have, whenever you can, to give them all your love and care.

More: 5 things not to say to a mom whose baby isn’t crawling yet

Bilna Sandeep is a Civil Engineer by profession and a blogger by heart. Through her blog , she shares her motherhood experiences, her culinary experiments and speaks up for the causes she cares for in the world around her. Follow her through her blog or on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.

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