Motherhood boasts an array of challenges. The adjustment period can take years, but not everyone always gets that much time to calibrate their maternal compass. For those of us who have two kids under the age of 2, whether on purpose or by divine tequila-fueled intervention, our adjustment periods were cut a bit short.
Moms with two under 2 didn’t allow themselves to bask in the new mother glow. Our feet were barely on the ground before two pink lines swept them right out from under us… again. And while we love our little darlings, we’d be flat-out lying if we said that having two children under the age of 2 didn’t come without a very specific set of challenges.
1. Nap times are nightmares.
You know that saying, sleep when the baby sleeps? Yeah, that’s never going to happen. Attempting to get children so close in age on the same napping schedule is the equivalent of trying not to offend anyone on the Internet, and by that I mean that it’s a completely lost cause. Stock up on coffee and Red Bull and go with the flow.
2. Public endeavors are nearly impossible.
Target used to be such a joyous experience. Filled with unnecessary purchases and frivolous trips to Starbucks, Target is every woman’s sanctuary. But when you’re hauling two kids who are unable to control either their emotions or their bowels, those trips get a little less euphoric.
3. Supper time is a six-ring circus.
As if convincing one child that vegetables are in fact delicious wasn’t hard enough, convincing two kids to embrace the food pyramid is a ginormous pain in the behind. And someone is always hungry.
4. Doctors’ appointments are hell on earth.
Taking kids to get shots is never fun. Taking two kids to get poked multiple times is anxiety-inducing. And those tantrums that follow are even more awesome. Getting two very small kids in and out of the doctor’s office without a public display of profanity is a very special kind of challenge.
5. Finding childcare is next to impossible.
Remember when your entire family was chomping at the bits to keep your firstborn? Well, that care-giving enthusiasm is now a thing of the past — and suddenly everyone is now “too old” to keep up with two kids (even though it’s only been, you know, a year since they were begging to babysit). Getting help with two kids isn’t exactly a walk in the park. It’s more like trying to chew without drooling after a heavy dose of Lidocaine.
6. Cleaning house is a complete joke.
Cleaning house with two under 2 is the most counterproductive thing that that most women could possibly conjure in their wildest dreams.
7. It’s like constantly playing a game of poop roulette.
We can all probably agree that none of us will ever miss the diaper-changing phase of motherhood — especially those of us with two under 2. As soon as one butt is cleaned of the remnants of a fiber-filled breakfast, there’s another one exploding somewhere. There’s so much poop, you guys! It. Never. Stops.
8. Mass amounts of caffeine are a very necessary part of our budget.
There’s a distinct chance that moms with two under 2 max out what the FDA considers a safe amount of caffeine consumption. Keeping up with one adventuresome child is exhausting enough, but keeping up with that and a floppy baby who can’t even hold its own head up yet is especially exhausting.
9. Bath times are terrifying.
Remember when bath time with one kid was filled with bubbles and adorable little baby butts? Those were the days. Everything changed once another baby entered the picture. When you’re bathing two under 2 together, bath times strike a fear to rival that of swimming in a pool full of great white sharks. There’s so much water and suds and splashing and… Should they be wearing snorkeling masks?
10. Double the kids = double the tantrums.
Once children that are very close in age are a bit older, the emotional display they coordinate together is truly spectacular. And by spectacular I mean it’s freaking awful. It’s like they play off of one another in a competitive game of who can make Mom pull out the most hair, or who can make her pour the bigger glass of wine. Their teamwork is enviable but it is definitely not appreciated.
11. There is never enough time.
Any parent will tell you that time truly flies. This seems doubly true with two under 2. You’re trying to cherish that newborn smell while simultaneously basking in the imaginative displays of a toddler while they learn and grow and play. With two kids so close in age, it seems nearly impossible to take in every single moment because there are so many of them.
But don’t despair!
Having two under 2 may come with twice the challenges, but it also comes with twice the kisses, twice the laughs and twice the love.